lychee martini ice cream from 'the daily scoop' - with real lychee bits. ee jie bought home a tub, wonderful stuff. i say, there are so many flavours to choose from this decade, compared to when we were younger, i think it was mainly chocolate, strawberry or vanilla. i ran a litle today, semi-lacklustre, semi- energetic 5km plus - came in spurts. i really should put the will i have to go for my runs into other things i do - the little things that you ignore about yourself thinking that it's okay to be like that, when it's not because others feel the pinch more than you do, or it bothers you when you least expect it to. a bad habit can turn into a very mean bite. the real challenge is to get up and go whilst things lie low, in the calm, so that when the storm comes you already have the gear to battle that out. and do not dwell so much on things JUST DO IT I SAY!

'war and peace' sits on my table. to read or not to read? tomorrow to watch taped episodes of 'gilmore girls' at mingyao's house, and 'dogville' and other films to fill my mind and take me to higher places. i say, i really loved today cos i spent hours with mingyao sauntering about town, 'chope-ing' paragon starbucks cushions, talking about films and phones and having char siew [boy][oh the meat, the juicy burnt char siew] and looked for korean snack and got amazed at candy empire [me, not him, and i made him buy me a cadbury flake noir] - i think it's not that i want everything, it's just like, jack and jill arriving at the witch's cottage in the woods. ooh la la like that ya' know. i say, this great affection, i love. this thinking the world of each other. fits like a very luscious oscar de la renta gown and jimmy choos, The Choy and I.

here we jump to sharon. sharon and i, we gush. we gush about how apt kate moss is on the cover of vanity fair, we gush about nat. portman on that pretty issue of vogue, we gush about the hermes, the choos, the mb, the tods, the marc j. very indulgent but very necessary banter. we had a nice cosy time at liquid kitchen few days back at the corner. i say, next time we do a chomp chomp feast with ying and sammie.

on sunday we took the kids to sentosa and i got toasty [faye wong flush across the cheeks and waxy nose and beet-red shoulders] playing games on the sand. the touch rugby got me muddled up. i'm no good at rules, restrictions, which is why i prefer running in the park then in a gym. blasted threadmills make me feel mechanised.

it's a nice evening for a run, then i'll have to come back and cad my christmas cards and send them out. christmas. woohoo!

it pleases me this memory
has swollen up with age.
even time can do
good things to you.

- the shins [the weird divide]

You Are Lemon Meringue Pie

You're the perfect combo of sassy and sweet Those who like you have well refined tastes

What Kind of Pie Are You?

post-its

++ been listening to kjazz. mood music for cold nights and lazy days. the weather is compliant with the associations i have with christmas and cold these days. only rain not when i want to run.

++ spied mango top design, exact replica of what i got at warehouse months back, though more flimsy. spied in topshop a knit woollen crop jacket with big buttons and a string tie below the bust similar to the chloe one featured in vogue few months back. this either means i windowshop/vogue too much or the extent i scrutinise fashion. heh. this month's uk vogue has got gweneth p. but it's simply not festive enough for a christmas issue. i'm a strong unbending advocate of christmas [ yes wynnie, chide me on the commercial hype. i love that too]

++ he got a new haircut and i got myself a younger-looking boyfriend. two weeks cold turkey i could hardly bear and actually today i wanted to do nothing but sit with you and hold your hand. familiar chicken rice and familiar hagaan-daaz. familiar everything you know, familiar walking here and there, familiar smell, familiar talk and the way you look at me and the way you talk about stuff. ACE! familiar everything i love and i've missed. happy days are here. we are cheesy but we are fun and we are [cue, the cardigans] you and me always and forever..pa pa pa pa pa...

++ i shall try another run-swim thing tomorrow. it's quite awesome. get a kick in the awesome ache.

very happy morning vibe. woke up hungry at six am and halfboiled me an egg. lazy 4km run and a rigorous thirty lap swim before the mean sun shone. am proud of myself for that. now mind is brightly awake and the body is starting to feel the nice ache. i like. later to see The Choy O Mine.

*illustration by richard may*

after going through so much together and regular meet ups / the mental label from a 'class reunion' changes subconsciously to meeting 'good friends'[for life] / is a very pleasant thing i look foward to each time because it's very uplifting and essential / been seven years / was aza, me, carol and shu at paragon starbucks having warm banter about the then / the now and the after / the after - you know these people will be with you even till then / banter about training for next year's half marathon [three ex runners and an enthusiastic potential cheerleader / in a christmas tale-like fashion / mister samuel lim [gp and history tutor] pops up from behind and we squeal in delight / another kid on the way / cny date / an amusing round of snapshots to end the time wistfully

*illustration by yoko ikeno*

physical absence fuels romantic and funny digital messages. been more than a week and i can't wait for thursday when i reclaim you from the gripping jaws of academia. can't wait to converse till my jaws ache from grins and belly-forth laughter. can't wait to have my palm wrapped in yours. can't wait to go eat slurpy gravy l wanton mee with you. you rock my world.

childish whines are easily forgotten when upon plugging on the head phones i listen to 1977 and think of my choy and the world is alright again. and i think nothing in the world can go bad cos i got him to be mine. the simplest things are also very good.

i love my retractable nib retractable pencil, a boyish enthusiastic gift from back then.

i have concluded bren and i are very good at being lazy together. not just blah lazy but really physically melt-in-to-the-sofa type of lounging lazy, which was what we did for hours yesternoon at book cafe. chitter-chatter...laze and browse...chitter-chatter...laze and browse. put on repeat mode and that made a very nice way to spend some time together fueled by a shared pot of mint tea.

it was uncomfortable, that was too much exposure and i need to hide myself more from this place hence for some erasure. so i had a nice swim, thirty laps. was suppose to get the endorphins going but it didn't really bounce off.

ok chin up. choy says all can be solved. being emotional doesn't solve anything. it just makes you an unnecessary whiner and the world hates whiners.

so anyways i headed down to mingyao's pad in the west and giggled (yes, giggled) through two episodes of gilmore girls. another two next week to look foward to. and i met brenda at liquid kitchen for mocktails and groaned over our disappointment of 'garden state' and scary stories and she told me stories about weird people in her industry and gushed over the same new miu miu orange scrunched up long handle longish loopy bag we saw. i say, life would be so much more convenient if i still resided at greenmeadows. grrr.

so anyways i'm broke and need to get moolah because i want to be a generous christmas shopper this year. why is ali smith's new book so expensive? please some other cheaper but chic publisher, print another a more affordable version. new internet plan means younger sis is getting a new toy - ipod nano. sob. it's true i say, my whole family is getting mac-chanised and i am left behind. these are but girly whines; there are more important things i need now.

anyways the trumpeter called me at six plus to pass on the news that lorelai and luke have broken up. so cute the call, and yes it's sad.

++ so anyways i met with the trumpeter today and we had quality japanese food and a lounging time at our regular hangout at coffee bean at paragon's corner, and he got me my dosage of uk vogue and i got him a chet baker cd to add to his collection of cds and to listen to whilst studying. and so, how do people get bored of each other so quickly? we have been talking for five years and there is never enough time to finish what we want to say and there are never things to run out of to say. i bought ee jie a belated birthday gift, a book of pablo neruda's poetry withe one of my favourite lines inside "tonight i can write the saddest lines". and so, now i must be disciplined and rid me of the lethargy. a little running and thrashing through the waters tomorrow will do me good. ++

++ never look back in anger.

++ blessed at having seniors that burned their weekends and not sleep the whole night to help you get through it.

++ after three weeks sitting here i fully appreciate the presence of internet radio. i don't have enough cds and music to last me through *hint hint christmas is coming, heh*, at least they loop on and on and i don't really realise it at all. and i keep looping my 2046 'this christmas song' because the jazzy reminder of christmas keeps me happy and i don't have other christmas songs besides ally mcbeal's. and you can't keep listening to 'santa baby'.

++ i discovered the detriments of consuming beverages that i take to keep me awake. normally it's a cuppa but three weeks of late nights and no days, it's the long term effects you realise. (green) tea hydrates and left me with dry lips that bled. after awhile strawberry tea and peach tea and earl grey tastes alike. coffee gets boring so you have to be inventive, like maybe kahlua or baileys, and the after-caffine effects are horrible but you still gotta take it.

++ you stand up cos you keep falling asleep and suddenly you wake up and realise you're still standing up. it's like being drunk without alcohol.

last stretch.

I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me . . .
Galatians 2:20

meekness and surrender in despondency. i am struggling very hard and it is dreadfully painful. what is this path that i have been led to walk..question not the why but the how and the who. time surges forward like a tidal wave upon my frail human heart and mind and i barely cling on to the rocks theading water. i know it can speak of ill discipline or indecision or just not being an excellent student, but for me it is a trial, and it bleeds of daily tears and pounding terror in the brain, till monday and i look foward to the uplifting. it shouldn't matter, and also it should.

need....to get out of this mess. prayers to save me from insanity and falling off the edge. i have fallen before and it bought me terror. i only need a miracle. quake not, heart.