there must be an END somehow. or rather a feeling of perpetual bliss. which does not mean stagnation but a happiness at growth and joy in everything one does. one cannot go on disenchanted, or worse, indifferent, unambitious, flattened etc. therefore, what is this sensation? or rather, lack of sensation? one cannot keep wishing. i have to get THERE.

why is there the lack of confidence? why is there no energy? why is there no discipline? i'm sure it can't be that what i am doing is too hard, if everyone works hard enough, nothing is too hard isn't it? i'm not quite sure if it's real passion. there are glowing moments but i'm taking life too superficially,that must be it.

the motto cannot be just do it. it has to be do it like it's do or die, do it like it's flowing through your blood, life pumping type of 'do it'. then there will be no regrets of giving not enough, i can't complain, if i havent' put in all to try to get 'there'.

ok.