i need to discover. to travel to read. i need the hunger to thirst. as Le Corb said: " When i arrived in paris i felt a great emptiness inside me and i said to myself, " poor thing, you dont' even know anything yet and, worse still, you dont' even know what you don't know." if the great Mr. Jeanneret can say such a thing, i think, i'm really way behind.

but anyway, (being casual, as you can see, i'm really friendly about this, i'm not in an angsty depressed-cos-i-just-wanna-be)

i'm not really complaining, i'm trying to understand my frame of mind to push myself on. there has to be that essential 'thing' that will get me going. i think i compartmentalise things too much? i am too careful? is what you are, what you are born with? like you are brought up in a way and your personality is such that you're nice and boring, then one day you realise you're nice and boring, you're not really ok with that cos there's something stirring in you that wants to get up and go, that wants to be actively engaging the world and to be spontaneously curious bold and unafraid, those traits you see in some people, and you become dissatisfied with your current frame of mind. the trouble is instead of going out there to just do things that that oomph in you calls out for you analyse and analyse and analyse and just remain stagnant and a perpetual voyeur. but it's a fault really, i mean that makes me critical, well, not analytically critical, i wasnt' brought up that way, more like sensitively critical - introspective, intuitive type so i can tell you what you're thinking and what you're thinking and why you're thinking what you are thinking or why you are doing what you are doing but i can't be political about it.

so what is the problem? perhaps there is no real problem. number one: don't be too sappily self-critical and self-conciouse. number two: just do it, like it'd kill you not to do it. number three: love everybody more than you love yourself. number four: sometimes be more pragmatic than dreamily self-indulgent. number five: set goals. number six: don't wish, make must do lists, not wish lists. number seven: when in doubt, read. number eight: when in doubt, draw. number nine: when in doubt, talk to people. number ten: when in doubt, pray.

get it out of your system love. do a mental purge once in a while.

and, do not let any oppotunity that come by just slip by, and try and make oppotunities happen.

ok.

phew.the things people say on their blogs.
haha.never mind. i think i'm feeling better. i'm going to do some readings.