Some Things

Today is Friday. Husband will be out with friends so I'm thinking of running to the beach and then getting dinner from the hawker centre. My eyes were a little tired so I removed my contact lenses in the afternoon. I must not be vain. It's funny how everything seems go better with short hair (for me at least), like my glasses, eyeshadow. Today, it's blue and silvery gray, collared shirts (I've missed my collared shirts. I didn't really want to wear them when I had long hair as it would look so messy falling down my shoulders).

I've been listening to the 'Lost in Translation' soundtrack at work. I'm not a big fan of the movie's plot and characters as I am of the visuals and sounds. I watched it before I went to Japan. Now that I won't be going to Japan for a while (we watch Japan Hour with a film of longing), the sounds are a sort of comfort, particularly the train station announcements, the ambient noise in the background (saying 'shibuya' in that way that you will only understand how to say in the Japanese way when you've been there, or 'shinkansen', pulling the 'shin' upwards with in sing-song). On and off I also listen to local musicians Kitchen Label for a similar effect. It's also good for writing - not too loud, not too wordy, not too narrative-like.

I'm itching to do things with my hands. Like drawing, or painting, or making, folding things. Or taking husband's film camera out. I've always wanted to draw my family and my family stories. I'll do that this weekend - to hear the mechanical 'click' and also, focus on looking into the lens and composing pictures. I think I just want to do more 'analog' things - like reading a book. I'm going to try to kick the habit of using the internet too much, being on it and looking for random things to read. Now that I have the time to be analog, I should.

Now that I think about that, running too gives me that sensation. The physicality of moving your limbs, the blood coursing through your veins and the ache after, smelling the crisp sea breeze. I think I also need to get back to swimming. I must not be afraid of cold water!

Friday's slipping away. In six hours, it will be Saturday. I look forward to not having to wake up early, to ease into the morning, having early conversation in bed with my eyes closed, feeling the layers of blankets with my toes, trying to remember a dream.

+ + +

A two minute later update: It is pouring so there goes my running ambitions. A hot shower and hot soup is the new agenda.

Four Years of Funny Fun

This weekend was one of many firsts, or changes. Small ones, but nice ones.

Thursday was our wedding anniversary and we decided to take the long route down Changi Coast, driving alongside the runway under the canopy of trees. It was where a special occassion took place four years ago, a sweet and simple gesture - the way I like it to be. We arrived at Changi Village and looked around for a place to eat. The best bet was a homely Peranakan restaurant, which was a good choice as husband declared it not bad at all. The bill came up to just over forty dollars.

And now, I would like to thank the husband for being the best marriage partner ever: for doing the housework when I have to write my articles, for driving back home from the office to get lunch for me whenever I'm ill, for being so funny, for being so cool (liking the same television shows, yay), for buying me new shoes even though his own is overdue for replacement, for cooking dinner for me. I really enjoy all the seemingly mundane things we do together, like taking an impromptu stroll down Opera Estate to find out what's at the other end, or going to the supermarket.

On Friday evening, we decided to do something we had been planning to do for several months as part of our anniversary celebration - ride on our bikes from East Coast to Gardens by the Bay. We left after dinner. The park was relatively empty (exam time), quiet and slightly breezy, though warm. We cruised past Carl's Junior without stopping this time for Chicken Tenders and a soft drink, onto the pavements of Fort Road and the garden next to it, before reaching the bridge that connected it to the Marina Barrage. There're some pavilions for sitting on the bridge, for one to take in the view from the other side, facing the Flyer and MBS and the Benjamin Sheares Bridge. We cycled down past Marina Barrage, Satay by the Bay, the domes at Gardens and arrived at MBS, without having to cross any roads. Altogehter it took us about just over an hour to arrive. We made one round through the park and then back to the bridge. The journey home felt much faster although our knees and thighs were a little sore by then.

Cycling is not an everyday thing for us. It's more like a little adventure we plan before hand with anticipation: which route to take; will we stop a long the way for a snack? will it be a short ride or long ride? Along the way, old memories surface for discussion (the long walk during the school bbq at the beach, etc., how we bought our bikes to counter the disappointment of having to cut short our Tokyo trip two years back) and new memories are entrenched (this time: the near fall when I tried to balance my elbows on the handlebars, the surreal nearness, as husband mentioned, to the city; usually we're just at the park areas). Standing on the bikes is always mandatory - I love the breeze in  my face and the inate physicality of balancing, of being at one with a machine that takes you further and faster. It's nice to be with someone for so long. You have had so many experiences together that you can just relate to. The interesting thing though is that you always discover something new about the other person in spite of that, because people develop and new circumstances bring out different responses. Of course, similarly, the same steadfast characteristics that you love are affirmed as well.

On Saturday, I went to Mama's place for my dose of closeness and pastoral care (not living with my parents make me cherish and yearn for just that little bit more time together, doing the mundane things together. Hair will always be precious time to be a daughter), and chopped off my locks (seeing too many pictures of Arizona Muse, Leigh Lerzark and Emily Weiss does that to you). Maybe one day I will have long hair again (Francoise Hardy, one day) but not today. The bob is my destiny - with it I feel that I'm not one of those typical long-haired girls on the street, that I can concentrate on more intelligent thoughts (or so I feel) (rather than: should I tie my hair? But I don't like the strain; it's making my face look haggard, it's taking such a long time to blow dry - and I must blow dry before going out because I simply can't stand having my hair limp, and wet, and flat when I go out) I turn out fattish in pictures all the time, I need more hair-ties), and, clothes with collars and back details go so much better with the neck exposed. Oh long-haired girls out there, one day I will be one of you, but today I'm feeling quite superior.

I'm supposed write my article but before that I sped-read through the past four issue of Monocle and one issue of Icon that featured architect Kengo Kuma. I'm a big fan. Husband has gone out to buy lunch and waffles from the HDB void deck stall that we're going to have with our Vanilla Beans ice cream after lunch. We are random and impromptu like that and I like it.

The end.

Happy Birthday Love

Today we rounded up the celebration of husband's birthday with a night out - A Chuck Majoine CD and the coolest holiday themed 'pop and rock' card were the actual day surprises. So we dressed up and drove to Dempsey for Spanish food. We ordered tapas and paella - and remembered Barcelona - and there was a molten lava chocolate cake surprise planned with the restaurant. We took a walk through Culina and Jones The Grocer and then drove to the supermarket to get milk and vegetables and fruits for juicing. It's nice going out together, even if it's to the supermarket together. Now I'm home writing my essays (one almost done, then two more to go!) and husband is watching TV. Occassionally he comes in to bring me water and to say hi.

Quote of the night: "Everyday is a special day if it's with my wife."

Some Thoughts

1. Walking in the twilight along the streets of Daikenyama, looking out for shops, stumbling into one and buying a necklace with a snowflake and bird.

2. Dreams of being back in junior college.

3. The long hair/short hair debate continues. Everytime I see Leigh Lezark with her short chop, short hair wins.

4. Writing music is always the soundtrack of Il Mare. One day I would like to go to Korean when it's cool.

5. I have no dearth of love.

firsts

yesterday there were a few firsts - the first time i applied nail polish again after leaving it bare for a long time because partly i don't really care if my nails are painted and partly because a previous brand of nail polish wasn't very easy to use. i decided i needed to feel a little more polished and so i'm now on opi's 'over the taupe', given to me by ying ying last year.

and then, it was the first time husband and i went to teppei, a japanese restaurant known for their value-for-money omakase menus. husband said it was to celebrate our 13th year of getting together as a couple - the first time (and last) i committed to having a boyfriend. when we left the house, it was storming; we couldn't see beyond the grey mists. the restaurant is a little nook that sits about twenty, with the seats surrounding the open kitchen. they served about ten dishes, not including dessert at the end, a scoop of ice cream for each of us. i loved that it was a specially singled out day to go out and that it felt special, and as we whispered in low tones - partly because we were commenting on our observations of what was around us - in the ambient light, the slight peeks to see our neighbours reactions on the food, the not-too-conscious make belief feeling that we could be in japan, and later, during a stroll about the neighbourhood, the cool touch of the after-rain and the holding of hands. i think i am a sentimental person, and i do love history, and the nice thing about being together with someone for so long is the history that we share - the secrets, the codes, the habits that layer our relationship and our conversations.

last week, the husband had a bouquet of flowers sent to me. roses and carnations and tulips. so there was, and still is some life within the house, and with it, reminders of a sweet, sweet boy, romance, although, what is equally sweet is the husband helping me with the chores while i churn out my last article, and also, the opening and sharing of a packet of pocky hearts.

Relieved of Tensions

. . . but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings . . . —1 Peter 4:13




If you are going to be used by God, He will take you through a number of experiences that are not meant for you personally at all. They are designed to make you useful in His hands, and to enable you to understand what takes place in the lives of others. Because of this process, you will never be surprised by what comes your way. You say, “Oh, I can’t deal with that person.” Why can’t you? God gave you sufficient opportunities to learn from Him about that problem; but you turned away, not heeding the lesson, because it seemed foolish to spend your time that way.



The sufferings of Christ were not those of ordinary people. He suffered “according to the will of God” (1 Peter 4:19), having a different point of view of suffering from ours. It is only through our relationship with Jesus Christ that we can understand what God is after in His dealings with us. When it comes to suffering, it is part of our Christian culture to want to know God’s purpose beforehand. In the history of the Christian church, the tendency has been to avoid being identified with the sufferings of Jesus Christ. People have sought to carry out God’s orders through a shortcut of their own. God’s way is always the way of suffering— the way of the “long road home.”



Are we partakers of Christ’s sufferings? Are we prepared for God to stamp out our personal ambitions? Are we prepared for God to destroy our individual decisions by supernaturally transforming them? It will mean not knowing why God is taking us that way, because knowing would make us spiritually proud. We never realize at the time what God is putting us through— we go through it more or less without understanding. Then suddenly we come to a place of enlightenment, and realize— “God has strengthened me and I didn’t even know it!”

- Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest (6 November)

Ok Go

Part 1

When Dreams Become Memories

We spoke of going to Spain. The husband had seen a documentary on Mallorca and thought it was so beautiful. If there was any European place we would go to first, it would then have to be Spain. We threw in Barcelona too. I loved Herzog & DeMeuron's Forum Building (yawning open at the onset, the building came down to the ground on the other side). I loved the colour in the Sagrada Familia (I wasn't impressed with an architect I once spoke to, who was trying to 'get away' from traditional architecture and stain glass'). I loved flying over the Tramuntana mountains enroute to Mallorca. I loved the views in Mallorca. I loved how the city of Barcelona ends up at the sea. I loved being with husband 24/7. I loved the tapas we ate on the last day. I did not love eating only tapas on the last day. I did not love being sick 90% of the time. I did not love haunting for medicine. I did not love how the hospital handed me a prescription instead of meds after a 1am visit. I did not love the difficulty of hunting for simple, non-oily soup dishes for my sick throat. I did not love coughing into the night and waking up husband every twenty minutes on some nights. But now that we are back, it's mostly the good memories that remain.

Part 2

The Hair Thing

I've cropped my hair again. I don't understand long hair. I used to. I had thick long hair and it felt natural. Some day, I will grow my hair long again. But now, I feel free, different and a little rebellious. Mystery is a little easier for me than glamour.

Part 3

6PM on Sunday

The long weekend has disappeared. My weekend ambitions haven't been met. But some important things have been done: We met my family to celebrate Ee Jie's birthday. I took family photographs for my second sister at the Botanic Gardens - I'm quite proud of the pictures. We have given the house some general cleaning. We caught up on lost sleep. I finally read some bits of magazines I've acquired but have left stacked and abandoned (The Glass Magazine, Elle Decoration UK). Have been meaning to start some work - should I open Microsoft Word or go for a run at the beach?

The End.

ABCs

These books lie on my shelf waiting to be consumed. I shouldn't make a habit of just buying books; I should read them too:

+ The Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenides
+  The Lake by Banana Yoshimoto
+ Nocturnes by Kazuo Ishiguro
+ Crazy Love by Francis Chan (half way mark)
+ Cultivating Your Inner Life by Francis Chan
+ At Home by Bill Bryson (half way mark)

And I still haven't finished reading my Disegno magazines. No worries. One step at a time. Good words are relevant always. Over lunch I devoured old copies of Financial Times Weekend and finally banished them to the old newspaper pile.

Most importantly, Mom would say, you have to read your bible and memorise your verses.

+ + +

I was fortunate to be able to go to Shanghai on a work trip with the husband last month. Sensitive design, good food and chance meetings always make for wonderful memories and jolts back to being. The best thing about touristy Tian Zi Fang was the cobblestones.

Thoughts on a Tuesday

Last Saturday my mother showed me her diary where she writes all about the good God has done. I need to write.

+ + +

Found a bottle of lavender honey in the fridge and made a hot honey drink for my lumpy throat.

+ + +

Words are easier to attain than building blocks. Does that make them more transient?

+ + +

jcrew: love all the white looks!

this weekend i went to a dinner to celebrate some great architecture, felt bittersweet about it, wrote some words, had healthy fish soup and apple and orange juice at amoy market, had dinner with dad and brother in a faraway place in sembawang under christmas lights, went to church, sang hymns and didn't fall too much asleep, wrote some more words, had dim sum, read the newspaper, was inspired by a design magazine, folded laundry, ate my last cube of chocolate in the fridge (the bar lasted six months), ate a red apple, wrote more words. (most of it with my bff).

hello kitty hamburglar! Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly. ~Rose Franken

spring fever

+ + + (A) alot has happened in the past few months - not in terms of big life-changing events but nice daily happenings. for one, i've been to milan and back. this time was interesting as i went about on my own to interviews and to cover exhibits. i'm a lot more familiar with milan now as i've had to study the area and prepare for the trip. it's nice to speak to so many nice designers. i also made sure i opened my eyes more, taking in the details and training my eyes to see things differently. the mind can get lazy very easily. (B) mingyao and i celebrated our third anniversary with home-cooked dinner - not that we really planned a celebration. dinner of steamed fish cooked by husband, who gave me a surprise of a bracelet that came in the mail (he took great pains to find a bird motif bracelet similar to the one i lost awhile back, one that we bought racing through the halls of the hong kong airport). apartomento also came in the mail. (C) new magazines have sprouted out - disegno, by the ex-editor of Icon. it's a great bi-yearly magazine. (D) last night siew jie treated the family to a pasta meal and we headed for ice-cream at udders after. (E) and we've planned for some adventures this year - the first, a laid-back one and the second, a city jaunt. both are to places we've never been to before. it's great sussing out new places with the husband...to see new things with someone for the first time is akin to discovering a secret and forever keeping that distinct visual memory between the both of you. it's something that makes for great companionship and great friendship as well. (F) i need to set aside time to do something with my hands: draw, make things, something tactile and non-cerebral. (G) and also, i really like the clothing and accessories from acne. there're boyish and girlish things all at once. anyway, this week i plan to wear something from my wardrobe that i've not worn in the past month. and also, i'm really determined to get my ali mcgraw hair this year.

light, love and translucency




this weekend was one of family and love + a lovely husband who cooked dinner for my family who came over. we had a wonderful evening celebrating mama's birthday - pictures, london bridge, narnia, prawns, light and fluffy cake - and today, husband and i went to have ramen. we also bought a crumbly-topped cream puff from tampopo deli at the basement of liang court. we both agreed that while it was quite alright, it wasn't exceptional, not like the kind we bite into and stare at each other with big, eureka-moment eyes and not speak to each other until the titbit is devoured - this time there were a few quizzical moments of trying to figure out if this was really the cream puff.

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plus and minus (s)



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+ i have to go on a detox - physical, mental, spiritual, financial...to really sit down and read all the books i want to read, take time out to exercise and go back to basics

+ + discipline seems to come in spurts; i'm too easily distracted. i think i have to be harsher on myself than on others.

+ + + kindness.

+ + + i passed my driving test. driving is like architecture - you go further; it's more challenging but it comes with rules. cycling is like art - you don't have to think or care very much about everything else and just focus on the breeze carassing your face and decide when you want to cycle really fast, then let go and stand on the peddles, face up in the air.

+ + + + i think i shouldn't be so sloppy when dressing to work; impressions!

+ + + + + confidence!

+ + + + + + prioritise.

+ + + + + + + everyday i am reminded about what a sweet husband i have. i am one lucky wife.

+ + + + + + + + by april i am finally going to: print and hang all the pictures i've wanted to; dye and trim my hair; take my passport picture (at this juncture, i hear a little manly whisper going 'tsk tsk')

+ + + + + + + + when am i going to start a real blog?

another mental break...



no i have not finished that essay because i took it apart and i'm rearranging the structure. it reads much better now but i need to fine-tune it.

it's a lesson every time - this needing to let go and embrace change before you can embark on a better path. it's the same in architecture, in writing, in life. no one told me that when i was young. i think kids need to be told specifically that change is okay, and not 'failure is okay'. failure marks the end of something so it's quite upsetting but the word 'change' means things are in progress - it could mean the situation is not so nice now but it will be later; it means you have to make adjustments. so i think maybe we should rethink phrases. failure is not a nice word, in any context. change = rebirth, hope, humility, chance, growth, learning...

picture: monocle.com (their new lamp that i like very much but think the price is absurd)

the mind thinks of frocks instead of words for thirty seconds...




that said, being on the internet while writing is a very bad distraction. this is what i could bring myself to wear if i had to wear red for chinese new year...(from costume national). ok start.

a saturday afternoon



it's a funny feeling being alone at home. mingyao is out with his pals. i've got some essays to finish up - four in total. i told myself i'd finish one by 3pm. i have about an hour left.

when you're alone at home and have to sit at the table, you're aware of a lot of sounds, even while the stereo is playing. outside the window, i hear the distant crackling of a motorbike, the low hum of a plane on ascent, a neighbouring dog barks, the wind is whistling through the trees, the dog barks again. i have a conversation inside my head.

i am looking forward to running at the beach later. some fresh air, outside and in my head. i haven't ran for about a month, i think. i hope it doesn't rain. if i finish an essay and a draft by five thirty, when the sun is not blinding and the horizon is easier on the eye; this will be my reward.

i wish i could be at my sister's house today. but i have to work - end this always nearly touching the finish line but not there yet feeling, so that the world can breath properly again and so can the rhythm of the everyday.

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when most of the year is flooded with the too-bright sun, i welcome the moodiness of the dim skies and the smell and sound of the rain; i am glad that at my office now i still face a window, where there is the view of trees outside.

+ + +


i like really big pictures in a home. time to fill my walls in december!
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