GOODBYE TO ACADEMIA! HE'S BACK FOR ME! CAR RIDES AND GOOD, HUMBLY-DONE DUCK RICE, HUGS AND ALL! and you're a little itsy-bity-er. here's charlie brown!

photo taken from art dept

marianne faithful wildchild or milla jovovich ala the fifth element futuristic shoulder-dusted redhead. a mix would result in charlie brown's little red-haired girl.

two snail mails in a week is a treat. letter-writing expands the diary writing into sweet communion. i will reply with gusto.

is christmas coming soon or not?

and, arise from the slumber and embrace it like you did at the beginning: all-smothering charged for conquest. but settle on it quick and painless. and then, make it enjoyable , both froth and juice.

aim: to gather all that is good and drink it down like medicine. what gives to loyalty and conjures willing hearts? what gives? i've learnt this few months and i lapsed a bit but i want the hunger to gnaw in me as constant sweet aches. grind and bore into me. the worst would be that you forgot you were suppose to work at it hard and silently and not be led astray by the grumbling folks. always, always remember the sweetness of the aches.

mundanes: one - earphone expansion cable eaten by wheel of swirling office chair and now its head lies forever in the black deceiving gap. two - running the mild slopes for forty minutes. stoned joints jolted back into being usefully stretched. three - ten episodes of gilmore in three days. i cried when the girls ran towards each other at the front porch at the reunion.no, i cried at the phonecall before that. and i was really fond of jess having written a book. the tv folks they steal our emotions, and then, the cleanse and revived joy to return to the space outside the screen.

and, my fondness for you envelopes a continent, a world. you are unbearably wonderful, as kings and precious things should be. four weeks to our summer of love two thousand and six.

on saturday, ee jie and i went to watch a film fest film about chinese restaurants at the alliance francaise. rushing through cups of flat white and hot chocolate at the olio cafe above and lazy sauntering to balmoral plaza next door for after-film chicken rice, we talked and poked each other and laughed. the sisterhood. ah huh.



my occassional dosage to satisfy my lust and love for the metropolitan life. lotte has a new product at the isetan japanese supermarket shelf. this one is good too. it has cream filling. it's as good as the milk and honey one. wow, if you go to the website, apparently the name 'lotte' has some romantic origins: "it's derived from 'charlotte', a heroine in the Sorrows of Young Werther by Johan Wolfgang Von Goethe, a literary giant from germany". hmm. sigh, wandering up and down the aisles without you choy is lonesome. i'm looking foward to seeing you on friday. miss you plenty. three weeks cold-turkey.

hmm, i'm suppose to be doing my readings. egards. still rather lost lars.

i'm ready for a long long run this evening. for now i am going for a gilmore girls marathon. mingyao got me FOURTEEN EPISODES!

dear mingyao,

i have a present for you and your car.

clue: charlie brown

love, me

TO THE FANTASTIC BOY WHO MAKES MY HEART GO POP WITH RAINBOW SPIRALS FALLING FROM THE SKY AND WHOSE PRESENCE IS THE DRAMA OF TRAINS RUSHING BY LOUD CLANGING SOFT BILLOWING OF PAPER IN THE WIND OF DAWNS AND DUSKS IN TECHNICOLOUR POW WOW! YOU ROCK MY WORLD AND I MISS YOU LIKE AN EMPTY WHITEWASHED PAGE!

yesterday ee jie and i went to watch a film fest feature on edward said [ which was really interesting/lots of professor types at the film/william lim and other literary faces were there ] at the national museum's gallery theater. i like the renovations. the extension is great. that place is nostalgic because church is just next door and siew jie and i always rambled into the museum when we were early for church, even after they started charging fifty cents for under twelves, we went in when we were really bored. i think we've seen those miniature wax exhibits showcasing singapore's history in that dark room nearly twenty times. then it would be nice if they were showing something new at the art gallery next door and we would amble in as well. so anyways, i like what they've done to it and i can't wait to go there. if only they had done something like that to the national library, but i suppose it's the only way they say, to do something to the roads. the reference sections at the new library is great, with the views and all. i only wish they'd given the borrowing section a double volume space too, like extend it from the basement up to the first storey. it'd have been a bit like the old brick library then with its high windows. i don't see why they have to cramp that section into the basement now like that with awful lights.

i like the city after the rain. everything looks shinier.

Let it go before it kills you
Let it fall and the fade away
Let's have fun and do what thrills you
Please don't waste another day

morcheeba, 'let it go'

GET OUT AND KICK SOME A*** YO!

today i finally ran after the rain but mosquitoes attacked my thighs even while running but the weather was cool so i ran to the stadium and did a bit of the slopes.

i thought of you all the way there and back, even through the music, and i am going to see you tomorrow and tell you that i love you alot.

Create your own Music List @ HotFreeLayouts!

for now. can't recall the rest. and of course ash's 1977 but they didn't have it.

and i am famished for a holiday. embrace everything. going to make a list. i love you

where do thoughts that cannot be uttered, trapped in the heaving chest containing a deadly explosion, feelings that surge and press against the skin, of anger of indignation or just pure adolescent [immature but human and momentary] temper, go to? i think if i pictured a sweet somewhere, a place that conjures up milk and honey and flights of stairs leading to an attic that contain black balloons you can prick to release the seizure of emotions, maybe that's the trick to containing and eventually erasing my temper tantrums. to only get angry at worldly injustice and not petty personal imaginary agendas that sour my soul. don't waste my heart's store of anger for little squirmishes.

i am pacified by the thought of you. and to hear your voice - it butters over my metaphorical foot stamping.

it's over and gone like a lost cloud. today is triva day. on the pantry's notice board: do you know that polar bears are left handed?

very good news! to be celebrated over scoops of haagan daaz brandied cherry ice cream - congratulations carol. you have no idea how happy i am for you, the most kindred kindred spirit ever!

for you carol:

"But he, taking her clasped hands between both his, said, in a tone of reverent adoration - "...Say you will promise to be my wife - say it now...say that now and always i may prove to you that i love you with complete love." ,with the first tones and the first words, she had only a sense of solemn comfort, referring this goodness of deronda's to his feeling for ezra. but by degrees the rapturous assurance of unhoped for good took possession of her frame; her face glowed under deronda's as he bent over her; yet she looked up still with intense gravity, as when she had first acknowledged with religious gratitude that he had thought her 'worthy of the best'; and when he had finished, she could say nothing - she could only lift her lips to his and just kiss them, as if that were the simplest 'yes'. They stood then, only looking at each other, he holding her hands between his - too happy to move, meeting so fully in their new consciousness..."

'daniel deronda'george eliot

ye woman of little faith!

comb through the clouds in deliberate fashion.

to be a premium member of the national library and being able to borrow films [i got wkw's 'fallen angels'] makes me glow. i really like the esplanade arts library, and the mirrors and corners.

it's all about the bass line.

today we explored Ristorante Da Valentino off rifle range road. it's very homely and casually comfortable.

the calamari we had for starters was unlike any other we had tasted. for once it wasn't about the fried flour but the squid. the flour coating was just thin and enough to suggest a bit of crunch but not too much that it overwhelms the real stuff inside, which was more nicely tender than overly chewy. we shared a chicken pasta, whose gravy was very flavourful, and it made you chew at the pasta diligently so that you could make the most of all the sauce. we also shared a pasta that arrived on a lazy-susan type wooden tray. the crust was thin and crispy. again, it wasn't so much about piling ingredients on chunks of bread. the crust was thin enough just to hold the meats and cheese and the crust crispy, like a wafer biscuit. the tomato sauce wasn't too overwhelming either and the mushrooms were thinly sliced and merged into the cheese, and the ham slices were generous. they wheel dessert to you in a cart with the desserts displayed prettily and temptingly but we were too full. the decor was simple and definately non-pretentious, at all. white lace curtains hanging by the windows, little silver leaning tower of pisas and trains lining the window parapet like the owner's children left them lying about, and the restaurant wasnt' so big so the chef and his parents were mingling about with the little daughter, sleepeyed and at home.

then we headed down to the coffee bean at guthrie house to chill out. hot chocolate and later iced cos we decided to sit outside. and a short trip to the DIY store. i think he's gotten me interested in these things. i was looking out for innovative 3M products.

so the other day ying and i agreed it's definately a great feeling to be out in town in shorts, an impromptu decision made after a horrible experience at cafe catel at serangoon gardens [i must rant: disgustly liquidy lagsana with burnt edges not wiped properly off the plate/dirty tables/oily floors/crumbs on chairs/one grouchy waitress; the rest were nice though] where we headed to town in casual wear. very liberating. shorts are the new weekend uniform. and then i introduced ying to haagan daaz's black brandied cherry ice cream and we bought cones and stood by the flower parapets at junciton 8. i got her addicted. fellas. so will you.

next to a library, i would like to own a sea.

you are my hand-holding partner.

POST-ITS

_you can let out a silent scream in cyberspace and you will be heard.

_i am waiting for air to release another album/jeffery eugenides to write another book/sophia coppola to direct another film

_drink water. alot.

_purge a fistful at a time. you don't have to do everything. do what is important.

_listen to the virgin suicides ost in the dark. actually, listen to many things in the dark.

_i upgraded to a premium membership at the national library. i can borrow four more books!

_graduate students can borrow fifteen books!

_i've long thought about this and cared too much about this: ______. now, release and let go.

_bit by bit i am releasing the poisons that i allow to cloud me. time is seeping like a leak. i had better be careful. [keep yourself to yourself]

_why must everything in singapore be labelled a 'hub' or a 'little bohemia'? grotesque. dear little country. listen to your heart.

_read, masticate, assimilate.

_for record: thurs - school/trumpeter drove me home/mountain of books. hearts. fri - prata/roti john/teh si/bandung/hearts.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

i need a run and i need a statement!

we went on the prowl for good japanese food. go where the japanese go. sakuraya at ginza plaza. the salmon was slippery and fresh. we peered at the japanese snacks through the windows of the closed japanese mart.

cool. you make my monday a sunday.

specific.

my : hola coca cola
mei: hola, pepsi. muahaha.
my : nooooooooooo!

you are

my beam of light. my

thread

and my reflex.

today we...

drove down to siglap returned the dvd and had viet beef noodles with the best soup at the corner and went to cold storage at siglap centre and i bought april 2006 nylon magazine and candy and we drove to east coast beach and sat in the car watching the last episode of the current season of gilmore girls where rory leaves home ah that killed me ah poor lorelei and we went to bedok market to have juicy bbq chicken wings sugar cane juice and ten sticks of satay and ah. that's good.

for hui...

to add on...

and trying to roller blade down the teacher's estate slope of which i failed, and going to teacher's estate grocery shops where there was the bread shop that baked bread in the open. jogging to bishan park and back in school shorts. running down the small grassy slope in the garden downstairs. boys playing soccer downstairs and me and siew peeping over the balcony aged 14 and above. roller blading along the length of the hall. the alcove under the balcony. the balconies. my balcony. your balcony. mom's balcony with green curtains with bamboo prints. ma's dark blue toilet tiles. walking to casuarina for roti prata. jaywalking every single day since aged 5 or so. taking 169 to the beach with ma. the squre foot paths with grass growing in between.

i am so going to run to greenmeadows some time.

all about lily chou-chou

silence. thinking.

i don't want to be cool.
i want to be a wash of light.

we wrap and unwrap ourselves many times over.

And I need to let you know that I might
Be in your life

What I'm trying to say
Isn't really new
It's just the things
That happen to me
When I'm reminded of you

is it okay if i call you mine, sondre lerche

i slept in, read, lazed and dazed in vermillion lights, wrote some letters, wrote ten pages in my diary, thought about friends, and you, and stuff. somehow the more we want to accumulate there's this inate tugging that takes you back to the yearning of the pureness of being, a kind of unconscious consciousness, a comfort similar to that of being a happy child.

and so of late i've been trying to purge. with rather random things. going au natural with my toenails. and resisting the urge to be out on a saturday just because it is a saturday, because i had a date with my nikes. and so i did! pound the pavements to the traffic/street/moon light. we are so electrified!

last night i dreamt i went to an electrico gig in a concert hall where there were random keyboards and instruments and mikes around and audiences could participate in the making of the music.

bell's such a cute girl. i wish i could communicate better with her. such frequent visits, i really should pick up thai.

sondre lerche for a silent night.

hello, i wrote you a postcard. i got inspired by plath's 'you're'.

and i do miss the 90s. and the 80s for my little pony cartoons at 6.30pm daily but i always missed half of them cos we had to go down to pick up siew from the school bus. my grand uncle from thailand who passed away last year, he got me my first and only pony. we went to the zoo together, him and i. my pony was furry and had a heart on its bum. and came with a silver chain with a heart-shaped bold red jewel. i can still recall the exact emotions and frame of mind i had looking at the ponies at the zoo and contemplating which one to choose, that at age 5. some memories never die. and so in our mind's record we are made of moments.

eirik sang in the dark. erlend danced in his funny way. he invited the crowds onto stage but security didn't let them, or him when he in turn tried to get down stage till later and it was funny when at the end they posed with the crowd behind them on stage taking a digital shot each and erlend did a slow mo body surf pose. it was fun in a casual way that made you smile when the audience recognised the songs that were coming on. and some weird dudes shouted vote for pedro and i was like yeah erlend reminds me of nepoleon dynamite and i got half of toxic girl recorded in my handphone for kicks.

and while having char siew boy for dinner we spied jbarks eating japanese food and after the concert we did a mandatory supermarket round at jason's, albeit a quick one cos it was mainly for kicks and to prolong the night's company for a little bit more. love ya.

and my thai relatives are ere for a while and it's not that bad i stay in my room and read besides the time i sit outside with them and bell giggles at all i try to say to her cos she doesn't understand english. such a sweet girl, makes me want to buy sanrio stationery for her like i did for super h u i until she got too old (unless you still like, super h u i) and bright is reading harry potter in thai, not bad. i'm going to get him to cook tom yam for us again.

and i think my earphones are dying, on one side. it really is a bother when you are listening to the strokes while walking home to the somewhat romanticised traffic lights/pace and you want to blast it loud to be in sync but you can't cos the other ear will die. anyways there are more important things to do and think about.

read and formulate lars!arghs!time is like everywhere and nowhere in sight!

chichi-closet. exciting lar. go buy quick!

if you find that it's the very thing that holds your confidence, you have to let it go. the moment between the actual thought and the doing, or, in the moments of deliberation, is probably where we are most of the time and maybe life is about the times when you are climbing over the fence at last. change never hurts anyone.

+++

how can someone take fifteen minutes to decide between a fat cream ribbon or a white translucent skinner one, in wrapping a gift, and tying and untying again and again to decide the best ribbon and the best knot. the tying moment is the best. and a birthday card with franz ferdinand/bill shakesphere/a star of graph paper/valentine month paper cut words collage gets me all excited. i should be a wrapper of gifts. it excites me to no end. far east chicken rice as a happy ritual and a quiet coffee bean at scotts to talk the noon away at a corner observing (cruelly, but true) laughable poor survey girl walking to and fro and i asking him a thousand times "do you like your present(refer to above picture for the gift)" and asking him to rewrap and unwrap it again so i can observe delight over and over. this classic box set is for when we have our own house in the future and have friends over for chi-may beer and korean snack, chilli flavour. ha. happy birthday mingyao!

+++

i have missed you a thousand times over since you dropped me at my house an hour and a half ago.

+++

devotion to schedule! be as nerdy as i was in secondary two! win a bet and shrut those gold stilettos! there's a new book out in kinokuniya, previously unpublished work of Gustave Flaubert but i have no time for miscellaneous french literature (though if you ain't reading it in the original language you haven't really read it). i got to work hard lar!

what font do you think in?

chandelier earrings and sushi. a particular shop and meiji gummies shared between two girlfriends.

going to read.

want to play?

i realise i would like to be alot more things.

i miss you.

mixtape exchange. courtesy of jbarks. i did a quick cover for storage purposes. edwardian script font to soften the roughness and romanticise the candid-ness.

quiet tuesday streets makes for good sauntering. crowds should be left at home.

anyway, mingyao very dearly borrowed a book for me from his school library which was on loan at my school. all of edward said's 'orientalism' was borrowed and there was no stock in kinokuniya or borders. so he drove down to pass the book to me and we headed out for dinner at the wisma atria food court for hakka yong tou foo. then,
we went to supermarkets. i say, it must be one of our favourite pasttimes, searching for new inventive things especially japanese snacks. i bought about milk and honey koala lotte biscuits for times of emergency and we bought buns at crystal jade cakery as it was closing. i'm going to have to allocate myself one.half hour - two hours a night for reading my notes. play it like a power tune. do it like the choy.

do you know your mornings like your nights? i'm learning the new rhythms. to regulate personal systems by reduction to what's important. something we call, growing up.

the oc: summer and seth -- cutest.

i'd do anything for you
i'd do everything for you

tomorrow i have to try to watch: mingyao's taped gilmore of a forthnight back before six pm; empire records, happy together [either one] and the recording about japan mf very kindly did for me and starting seriously thinking about my dissert.! and then i got, two more episodes of the oc from super h u i!

hilarious reggie with his ad-lib antics - j. projected his true beng self with exam ernest and i liked the dance moves. stolen glances at the him and stage make up - i never know how much to apply so i asked ad. to do it for me - a very shimmery pink and gold. i guess, acting is an extension of my natural dramatic self exposed only to familiar hearts, or otherwise i am known as quiet and nondescript. yes friends, i am silent as the night to the world, but in my mind i spin fanciful fabrications. the initial crowd seemed a tad small from peeks behind the black curtain but God works wonders and so does ice-cream from the island creamery and very good moist and crispy brownies.

after last night's rehearsal i gave him some japanese confectionary from the supermarket. one 'alphonso' mango gummies with a re-sealable packet. mango-anything is a sweet treat. i downed mango and orange smoothers in melbourne. and today in the car they were playing disco tracks. so we grooved along.

i know you know me know you know me. in black in green, those car themes.

standing by the kitchen counter. every oppotunity to be near each other, like a phonecall after you drop me off. i miss you already. and every trumpet note i crane my neck for a look and a longing i see you there and feel you here.

I haven't seen you since this morning,
I'm filled with the sweetest pain,
A constant aching in my soul that won't go away.
Thinking about you,
I'm thinking about you.
Thinking about you,
I'm thinking about you.

- ash 'thinking about you'

He speaks in a voice I know,
a sounds like sand when the tide is low
we kissed to the voice each night,
bathed in bare reactor light.

the radio, stars

i love being on stage. when you just get the script it looks so long. then the lights and band and temporary otherness are over in a flash. prayer and practice.

i tried on eyeliner cat tick today. i dunno how it was. i really wanted to be edie sedgwick, or selma blair on the miu miu ad.

cleanse like bleeding.

i need a long run and a solemn swim. to sift and draft where i'm to begin.

of socks, and swings, and random things.

i got a new phone! after years of faithful service, the old one was put to rest and mingyao got me this one, which i think is lip smackingly sweet! i prefer this coffee brown to the yellow one because it's more understated. and we popped by the shine korean supermarket near bugis and discovered the chilli flavour of the korean snack we've been looking out for. bought ten packets and sat at the library atrium sharing a packet with a can drink each. bliss.

i bought these flowers for a project but didn't have to use them after all, so now i have them in my room. i don't know what they are called but they are very sweet and i got them from cold storage, which has quite a decent variety of very elegant and beautiful flowers, surprisingly. today mingyao and i met shaun, tisha, chris and josh for dinner at sushi tei at paragon. we meet about once a year or even less so it was a really fun time of catching up. i think it's interesting to see how people have changed, or maybe it is because you get to know them more. we were never that close back in sunday school, but i think it's important to keep contacting one another because it makes your past, present and future richer, and how difficult it is to keep find and keep good friends. i forgot to bring a camera! after meeting up with such friends, you naturally go into a reflective state which is very encouraging.

i really appreciated mingyao meeting me quite a few times this week despite having to do his school work. it's really therapeutic having someone you can relate to so comfortably, being there, or even just an sms is refreshing already.

You scored as Elliott Smith.You're Elliott Smith. Don't worry - that doesn't mean you're going to be a tragedy, it just means that you have superb talent and a unique perspective to you given to you because you've felt the pain and you've seen the dark side. YOU however will get through it to the light on the other end to keep on blowing everyone's minds with your cool perspective.

Who are you in the cool rock scene?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Mods. Mods - in the early 60s they rode their scooters to declare a new working class time with it's association to hankering upward social movement / european sophistication rather than working class pride. Their testimony lives on till this day, and above all there look is more contemporary than ever. Mods 81% New Romantics / New Wave 50% Rave / Dance 44% Hippie 44% Glam Rock 38% Rockabilly / Teddyboys 31% Hip Hop 13% Punk 13% Which Past SubCulture fits you best? created with QuizFarm.com

You speak eloquently and have seemingly read every

book ever published. You are a fountain of

endless (sometimes useless) knowledge, and

never fail to impress at a party.
What people love: You can answer almost any

question people ask, and have thus been

nicknamed Jeeves.
What people hate: You constantly correct their

grammar and insult their paperbacks.


What Kind of Elitist Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

that's not true. i still haven't gotten started on 'war and peace'. sharon, same as you. no surprise. eh, you need a comments page/tag board on your blog. i keep having things to say. late dinner at holland v. crystal jade. i'm currently into tank tops, matt gold and nude toenails. i don't like crowded trains in the morning.

i get chasing dreams alot. last night i woke up after one of them, feeling tired after all the running in my dreams. i thought it was near six when i could get up for my run but it was only four am. but i did get up for my run and it feels good when you really push yourself - the mild slope really helps.

i had no time to read today after getting off work at ten thirty pm, but i did read 'made in tokyo' in the train and it was quite interesting. only i don't like ah lians who play their ring tone music loud just to listen to the song.

for the record, today was gilmore girls ost, 2046 ost, franz ferdinand, the oc mix 5, nada surf, henri mancini, sarah m, lisa ono, and the great expectations ost.

start the morning, while you are dressing up, with some ben webster and dim orange lights. wake up earlier so that you can allow yourself a more languid pace that matches the music. and block out the sun until with thick curtains until you are ready to leave.

then, block out the office with the felicity OST before lunch, and continue with sarah maclachan 'afterflow' on repeat mode throughout the day. you will remember all the emotions that stream through you while the songs play, more than the lines on the computer screen.

of course, near the end of the day, you might get a phone call, from someone dear asking you out to dinner at chinatown, for cheap and good zi char with all the aunties and ah peks, and then a coffee shop for teh ping and some last minute empty supermarket-shopping and a goodnight kiss.

and then, you are thus very prepared, on a monday, for the week ahead! i am going to read for half an hour and then wake for a morning dash.

i must love my mornings. then i won't miss the night so much.

this one's got honey and milk filling! check out the funky lotte website. mingyao bought it for me as i dwindled along the aisle at the isetan supermarket. it's delicious!

*image taken from chris robina/art dept

i am back. this is me.

i like isobel campbell but not the way mark lanegan sings.

we wanted to go to the acjc funorama today to support my brother and the kids but when we got there it was pouring too heavily so we headed back to town and wandered around wheelock place and the supermarket at shaw centre for a bit. later on i met shuying and we realised it was quite a while since we met, before christmas. it was a good dinner and some book browsing. i finally got my green tea sachets from marks and spencers. i do like the taste of strong black coffee but it kills my brain and i don't like pouring sugar into myself daily. i really need to read up and work on balance because being tired during the work week is horrible. the smarts to bright days are hard truths - a good amount of sleep, eating properly and a regular dosage of exercise. you only appreciate it when the balance all goes topsy turvy.

and rosetti print lady smells them too!

i brought home my flowers for the weekend so i could appreciate them as long as i can. i transfered them into this old wine bottle and placed them by my bedside. that's the russ bear mingyao gave me when i was seventeen and my hugo boss woman perfume cap over its arm. that was when i dropped and broke the bottle and my whole room smelt like it for weeks.

it really perks up my week! i dread the day they wilt completely.

so we agreed not to get any presents and to celebrate valentine's day because cliched as it may sound, the affections on other days do not lessen and we had other things to do. after rehersals yesterday though, mingyao called and picked me up and handed me a huge pink box - almond roca! one of my favourite chocolates because i love that caramel hard centre and the almond bits in the chocolate outside that's just a nice thin enough layer.

so this morning, i got a phone call and i got a big bouquet of super large roses delivered to my office! - heart palpitations one gets upon such unexpected lavishness are akin to the times when he asked me out before we really knew each other back in college - it came with a sweet card and a little bear with a ribbon round it's neck - haha like the rope i used to tie my bear's neck to my school bag in jc when the proper key chain broke. so, a rightful ascendency. i put the roses in a rectangular vase and took one home to clip to my cloth-covered board with photos and stuff. and i lingered about town so i could hitch a ride home with him after rehersals and we had nasi lemak at upper thomson road for supper. alas, i really didn't plan anything cept for a photo postcard. so, improvisation and deep thinking produced sapporo and bitter meiji chocolates.

it was really creepy seeing armies of couples and flowers and teddy bears on the streets. i like mine personal and it was personal enough. - secret flowers only a selected crowd saw and holding hands and eating nasi lemak by very undecorated coffee shop, annonymous and non common except for you and me banter and yummy chicken wings - romantic indeed!

sunny winters in sydney, july 2006.

objects in space and meaning in motion: walks and talks downtown and sips of overpriced oversweetened frappachinos in starbucks at paragon for a time talking about newspaper topics and my admiration is from top to toe and we went searchingformice and browsing through cookbooks at kinokuniya.

swings on hill tops. i like the smell of forests and i like dark bitter chocolate more and more. i'm currently reading about japan, jumping from book to book to magazine to journal to book.

i finally ran today to the stadium and back. it was inconsistent but long and sweet. have you ever ran to telepopmusik and the strokes? one, you'd feel like you're in a glade with star-laced pine tops looking for fairy things. the other, you feel like you've been transported into an indie-film running to your favourite bookstore to swallow some angst. really, when i go running with such fantastic sounds, i get a different adventure each time. my stories in my head.

i always thought the mechanical sound was hypnotic and retro because it makes me recall the days mother made us learn typewriting from the red top black spiral bound learn typewriting book. make a mistake and you have to type the whole chapter again. liquid paper not allowed. but apparently, c.s. lewis thinks otherwise. from 'letters of c.s. lewis', "(7) don't use a typewriter [ when writing ]. the noise will destroy your sense of rhythm, which still needs years of training."

because the depths and layers add on and fuse together to burst into rich clouds of weight and glory and you start to connect to life with a sixth, seventh, eight [and so on] sense. i don't really know how to articulate this, but it's perhaps like a dancer in a degas painting witht the sunlight filtering in through iron-patterned windows, the attention of colour muted with the softness of the medium, the two dimensional stagnation of dance and twirls and anticpated movement frozen and pressed, that indescribable moment before the moving and the moved, the fluff and bounce of the lace skirts and the strength and tenderness of the timber stripped floor. something like a bleed. i think, that's you and me.

i want to hear this. isobel campbell with mark lanegan. evokes an american francoise hardy era.

anyways, this weekend, is going to be a whitewashed weekend, which translates to the 'proper-fying' of things to manifest a balanced equation of enough of everything i need and the expelling of excesses. which includes at least a run everyday that it doesn't rain/the words and the reading via hole-ing up in the room - for that, please rain, gently and cool/some chores i know/ some calls to make/and properfying the sleep pattern. to the ye-ye tunes and no more chasing the night into dawns - those are very energy-absorbing and fatal in the larger scheme of things. so hence. to read about and to go whereof and to go to motherdearest for a snip of the locks.

we had wendy's milkshakes on the last day in brisbane. as above.

chronicles of a good time which begun with a good phone call and then a good car ride and then a good dinner and then a good walking about being lovers and best friends and all that sweetlove and teasetalk and searchingformice and escalatorrides. faded blue hole-ly orange-tag levis. customary and new at the same time. you're a college crush and a part of my brain and soul. oh wonderheart! isn't it great there's no cap on such affections like these i've been blessed with.

so me on the bus on the way out of school after sorta securing my tutor, having a mid-morning chat about what i will write about [this gets me excited, so much exploration and sifting to be done, sifting of information] da cool one he calls me on the phone and he says to let's do lunch and i do a grin thing out of the bus window on da hot hot too-golden sunny day and i say ooh yes at da holland village we have da sly bee and i think i must use something to secure my found in thrift-store in toronto flower-power tie as belt so it won't bug me and i have a secret slash with me and that is kate moss on the pink cover ala british vogue march issue of 2006 and my teeth it feels like falling because of the rubbers and anyways da cool one i miss ya already ya know oh you and the glorious one.five hours date and i gotta go read about kate moss now byebye.

ooh!

STORY OF TODAY

this is the novel of my life. "love is real, real is love...love is knowing we can be" :: song of yoko ono ::

and you are dashing and your brain is dashing and your heart is dashing and your warmth is dashing and your shadow is dashing and your glance is dashing and your faults are dashing and

i want to put you in my pocket.

you are like a blank whiteness that blinds. that is, you are magnificent.

he wore a smart shirt with smart scribbles. we visited a friend's cute boutique and spent some hours wondering around two aisles filled with pretty things on even prettier clothes racks. and we had lunch at the island cafe in tangs in the semi-quiet and bought a dress for a december occassion.

coleman hawkin's desdafino and cold bedsheets and a funny stomach and mandatory hot chinese green tea in a white mug and books to read and a topic to find on the www. time to know thyself. bleach and burn.

i know you by heart. "familiar lines that i read on and on" :: song of the american analog set :: and it's you and me always and forever :: song of the wannadies:: and it played on the radio and we thought of each other as relayed by sms. and i have no secrets kept from you because you read me like a nikon.

company is not companionship. but you are both to me.

STORY OF YESTERDAY

we


halt our night. calling for a cab. "i'm a lush for your love" :: song of tori amos ::

and

we stand close, wordless but our air is pregnant with solemn love. i see our reflection in the shop window. they sell expensive orange lounge chairs, and chandaliers [that look mild without electricity]. it's crisp. it's a warm night.

i miss you even when you are near.

i want to paint our minds. cool you. "i see us sending rainbow thoughts" :: song of yoko ono ::

i bought this +++ hipness to the core.

i watched this +++ not so good. nada. i prefer annie hall.

i ate this +++ tonkichi's ebifry is still the best.

i listened to this the beekeper. interesting. a little frosty a little scary but plenty good.

chingay street traffic madness. school and acquaintances. then a bus ride. i felt fluid in my blood brothers black and red pencil stretch skirt.