heart is pinched again

When you're near, theres such an air of spring about it,
I can hear a lark somewhere, begin to sing about it,
Theres no love song finer, but how strange the change from major to
Minor,
Everytime we say goodbye.

yesterday we lay in the car in between church and something else and while mel tomei sang from the stereo he said, "this is my favourite song in the whole cd" and we lay there in the quiet and listened. this afternoon i heard it again on kjazz 88.1fm internet radio though it was by ella fitzgerald instead but suddenly it had become another song that made me think of you being here with me and oh my heart ached.

coffee and song

being busy is the best thing and i mean only smartly busy, busy when you can learn so much and see so much through new windows so don't moan when you sense unfamiliarity or change because being stagnant is worse than death.

hey.

through the looking glass i spy there is hope but hope becomes disillusionment when there is no application in the long run. so coupled with hope must be a large large dose of energy, vigour, rigour, to try and see beyond what you can now visualise.

in the quiet. in the loud. don't get distracted.

all things pretty

i was at the designer section of tangs that day and i came across some beautiful silk pieces and i scrutinised the patterns and decided 'these are very paul and joe' and indeed i looked at the labels and they were paul and joe. so pretty.

positivity and me!



life is but a few decades so there is really no time for regrets and negativity and dumping your sorry morose-ness or morose-ing on other people and on yourself and so sometimes i can be quite affected or cancerous i must not let that bite me like an itch or a sore but do the robin williams carpe diem thing and stand on the desk and look down from other perspective. to say christmas is coming is like heralding the (if only) coming of free paul and joe french cream-coloured silk blouse that is i feel really joyful thinking about it and seeing the gold and red tinsels and glass balls hanging above cars and from trees along orchard road and now i am thinking i had better get myself spiritually prepared for christmas and not wait till then to try and reconcile with God and rejoice like an innocent babe. and then there is the sending of christmas cards by snail mail the most joyful thing to do and i am already listening to nat king cole and his crooning of christmas joys and i hope the weather will be cool.

so i am finally well and the haze has been erased for a while and i hope forever i can and must go running now and often and everyday - hopefully - and to be as diligent as i can be on my school work and give myself a christmas present which is a pat on the back for some very necessary things accomplished by christmas okay i think i am going to make a pac with God now.

and mingyao he is my best friend and my admirer and admiree and so all is good and last night we pulled over at casaurina road for prata egg and kosong and teh ping less sugar and basked with other people on supper high and oh i so love you and i must aim to be a very good girl and trash destroy and cull those negative thoughts and also resist the other kind of morose-ness which is that topshop warehouse and country road are having big sales and derek lam and bogetta v look so beautiful on the runways and i am but a poor student. but we really shouldn't care should we. haha and bah.

Lily Allen - littlest things




i like the film noir and theatre set effects though i think a contemporary setting would be better - i like the mtv for LDN - but the simple sad words are poignant anyways...

crabby day

sitting in the dining room licking our fingers and devouring 1.8kg of fresh steamed crabs between the both of us and downing white wine and four mini moochis each for dessert.

he says lobsters

mingyao has had an unbearable craving for lobsters but he has been so nice to wait until i am well before we go and eat it together but i am still not fully recovered since last tuesday and the long suffering boyfriend had to give in already and so:

mingyao: hello dear
mingyao: do you know what i feel like doing tomorrow?
mei : hi honey
mei : what leh?
mingyao: i feel like buying crab or lobster tomorrow and killing the fella myself and eating it for lunch.

...

mingyao: eh you wanna eat lobsters or not?
mei : i want
mei : but it's expensive
mingyao: never mind
mingyao: if you want you can come over for lunch
mei : you cook for me?
mingyao: ya

...

mingyao: then you remember you came over one sunday in jc and i cooked for you?
mei : ya

:) the choy and i and food. courtship is great!

she's electric



lily allen! i love all the dresses she wears and her bangs and her eyes cat-lined and her music is so happy sad cute and the british accent is ace!

the velvet underground and nico - femme fatale




nico is enigmatic to watch. her facial features are so strong and yet she has soft eyes and the bangs go with the eyes like a lace curtain but as i say, enigmatic because there's a certain softness and hardness to the way she looks. and her voice has that quality too and the way she is crossing her arms - it's casual and defensive at the same time and she sings like she's talking to someone she just met on the street.

taking notes



this is the notebook i got at books actually that day and i wish they had thicker ones that is priced cheaper but i like writing in such pretty things. it's the cover, book covers, note book covers make people willing to part with their money.

today i went to mingyao's house to be in his company and hold his hand. after lunch at katong which is for me a soya sauce wanton charsiew mee and seasons barley water for us and the coffee shop old uncle called everybody - brother - we went to his place to do work in the dining room with the air-conditioned and yellow lights on. i did my online research and he studied for his test and sometimes he explains things to me like hedgefunds and bonds and financial miscellany, there, across the lazy susan and with jazz music in the background and promptly at four o clock we jumped out of our seats and hit the sofa for that 70's show. it was such a nice afternoon just being in each other's presence quietly doing our own thing where sometimes he looks up and contemplates a craving for lobster and sometimes i contemplate aloud with a squeal without looking up, that mischa barton is on the cover of vogue uk november and she looks nice and the cover is summery and youthful and he laughs at me and attempts to replicate my squeal with excitment for a car magazine cover but fails - ha. i think - for on what grounds can a car magazine and a uk vogue be compared and so the mundane things become memorable enough to narrate and note.

huff and puff



and i like these from the same source as below. gorgeous clothes in pale wastelands.

these were taken from here.. i have always taken a liking to jessica stam since i saw here staring out from the bebe ads. i think she gives clothes a kind of preppy yet mysterious look.

got sick suddenly this morning with a flu lump in my throat. mingyao is good at playing doctor, making sure i down the elixer of life which is evian water. it's on to the fever bit but i should be alright by morning. my boyfriend's on a shopping spree of custom made shirts. cute.

today i attended a wedding dinner with mingyao. jawn and crystal at the orchard hotel. it was quite nice seeing so many of the previous batch of friends. we took a group photo at the end, the first of our batch i believe. the pace of the wedding was languid enough and the food was satisfactory. somehow talking to level headed people reminds me to be level headed about things.

don't think too much. just do. the pretend thing.

baking to wonderwall on the radio.

who am i? where am i going? no growth is disaster.

late night radio and pep talking to myself. the mediums are blank pages on the new notary white bank writing pad - too thin - and a juicy black pen. stella mccartney is a mr. men character. why is she turquoise though?

we lay on the staw mat, legs propped up or occassionally sprawled on the grass. we had strawberries and tiramisu etc. etc. food. a bottle of vodka cocktail each and we fell asleep in bits before the movie started. sharon had tickets to the nokia starlight cinema event tonight. the sky was a thick of gray and the air smelt burnt. otherwise it was a few hours of getaway.

dear girls. i propose a christmas picnic on ying's lawn for our december get together.

christmas is three months away. what have i done/oh heart of mine/oh mind of mine/wretched distractions and wretched losing of purposeful self to fear - be gone/ my life as a novel is less than sensational/twenty five and none the wiser - ? - 'write' something bold, beautiful and powerful/ can't whisper anymore.

today ying and i went to check out books actually at telok ayer street. it's awesome awesome! filled with so many of my favourite books sitting prettily on shelves with moleskin and other attractive journals and stationery displayed in between; cute bookmarks printed on wooden sticks in jars and cartoon notebooks and typewriters and holgas and polaroid cams as decoration. they house mainly literary works - my kind of things! and make kings out of poets and novelists on their designed stationery and postcards - like 'the little prince' and 'to kill a mockingbird' on matchboxes. i couldn't resist buying some things, amongst them, a 'notary white bank writing pad' for two dollars and fifty cents - yes i'm poor but it's pretty and i can fill it up - and i can't reveal the rest yet cos i bought them as presents. i chat with the owners a bit - very delightful pair - and we ended up talking about ted hughes - he's a fan- and i about plath - a little. they hold poetry readings on the second saturday of every month. if i ever need a literary indulgence i think it will be here.