quote of dey week: "remember, you do love someone from the band"

so says the trumpeter/second keyboardist to the actress. amusements when lines from the script gets transported in fun ways into daily dialogue.

prologue: belle & sebastian says
Lying here asleep on a sunbeam
I wonder if you realise you fascinate me so

you had your dental meeting
you and your perfect teeth
and we had library surprises
behind columns of words like trees
a hug from behind and hello
behind bookshelves
hello you
said the boy in his eyes
it was an expected surprise
driving watching the road like tv
adam road hawker fantasies
chicken satays and fish head curries
sharing food like sharing toys
the happy game of girls and boys
and we hold still the stillness of thought
thinking about our twenty eight days
times twenty four hours of fancies
and walks with colours of green and greys
those musical australia days

the lucksmiths new sound courtesy of another music friend. sunday nights need to be longer. pippi longstocking - the original unique girl as illustrated by luke in g.girls. i felt lethargic and went for a run just now which started off very well with the starting pace as p.planet's 'california' of oc fame. people who rip out pages from libary magazines ought to be bound to a chair and fed boy band yuck tunes for a million days after which they will be shot mercilessly and have pages of their favourite books torn out in front of them while they sob like babies. am in a cruel mood. but i am a happy girl.

it's a rare chance [ the storybook, nickel in a hole in the tree stump kind ] that you get acquainted with somebody and you're into the same music and we share music like we share candy - pass around the good vibes. i met the exchange students at pre-rogue last night after ying and sharon dinner at lau pat sat and vicky passed me some belle and sebestian i didn't have and sigur ros too [ in exchange for the thrills and ismene mix tape vol. 2 ]

this week was lucky dosage. wed we lunched and supped [ prata at casuarina the old fashion way ], thurs we dinnered [ sushi tei at holland v with david loh the young yuppie brother of mine ] and fri we lunched [ sembawang hills the old smell of nostalgia and secert shortcuts ] can't get enough can't get enough!

okay must be superqueen this week because i have to get on ahead. i slept at four but at six fifty am the morn sun commanded me to run and i had run vibes [i couldn't sleep! how rare after a late night, the storybook, nickel in a hole in the tree stump kind ] and so i pounded the pavement till the sun rose baringly to oh ya the killers are great to run to the continous oomph base beat just gets me charging up and down slopes like a nikequeen. wyn when must we register terry fox by? hmm standard chartered, shall i train for a half marathon? or be lazy and do the 10km, have a few months to think about it. must pound bright morning pavements before sun wakes regularly like a habit.

have you read virginia woolf's "london: a haunting"? oh my it is so apt if you're a london fan you will cry at the beautiful fluid aptness of the different areas she describes. very romantic. mingyao and i spot THE maybach on the roads - so beautiful gasp! you're right suddenly the m benz looks inferior. haha.

two hungry students, late lessons and a car equals to great adventures. like turning into causarina road for prata on two consecutive days! with teh ping [less sugar] and this time you had mee goreng, too spicy for me, i'm no chilli chick. supper is a great concept - spending time in the wee small hours of the morning and having an excuse and venue to chill local style with the night sky as a blanket against midday routine and a secret enjoyment amongst fellow suppergoers where strangers become unspoken acquaintances [ i mean, supper in a lonely quiet place? doesn't work ]

back at forty minutes past midnight, time to get the work thang goin'. rejuvinated by prata one kosong one egg fried well by shibly crispy prata stall along beloved upper thomson streets.

this familiar excitment - house lights down, spots on stage, props and band and all - easing through the stage space and getting into character - maybe i didn't think about it so much then but now that i get to do some acting again, i realise how much i relish in this. and, the after joh practice ritual of driving past casuarina and going 'prata?' or 'some teh ping?' and we drive to the left and prolong the night a little more for some private time.

these are my new poppy-orange birks, though for mine the brand print at the side is black. i still love my cream ones, and what alot of new fancy ones they are coming up with to entice us poor unassuming birk-addicts. there's the pretty pearlised white ones, all the metallics, so many new colours! mingyao and i indulged today in my all time favourite black brandied cherry haagen-daaz ice cream so soft the cream, so sophisticated the cherry chunks. we ate while it rained outside and we walked through town with browsing, ice cream, lunch, getting from point a to b to c, all excuses actually just to be able to be with each other, the most delicious flavour of all.

i wish i could eradicate all the pains. you hurt i hurt.

'man's maturity is to regain the seriousness he had as a child at play' - nietzsche

i watched this again. it could be childish and irreverent for some, but it is acute [what a boring word - i would say, stabbing], invigorating [a film that makes you press the pause button in life to sigh a little deeper and love a little harder]it stirred me up in such a way that made my heart and head spin. my heart leaned towards believing the tragic ending, so that should reveal the dramatic imaginings of my heart. it's not so much the dares, but the immense hunger and wonderment at life, when being crazy in love and just feeling everything in life like a pinch.

as confident as the queen. i need to dare myself quite a bit.

you can see the reflection of the city in the third one. the pictures are blur though, very unsatisfying.

i met bren for tea today and she treated me to a chicago cheesecake, very appropriate dessert for a person with sore teeth, and moroccan mint tea. we had a very comfortable afternoon minus the normal town crowd at coffee bean at the back of borders [ nothing like the feeling of having books nearby to electrify the atmosphere a bit] and we had very comfortable conversation too. we ran some errands and made a complusory stop at topshop. i like that this meet up is becoming more regular. we missed out a bit in the jc years.

here's some nice cream curves and 70s vintage sky

decided to grayscale some of my sydney opera house to see the effect. quite dramatic i say.

impromptu date attack! a series of casual sms(s)led to a full blown wonder evening -
bus trip on 33 together to anchorpoint where we had pizza and hugs and hugs and hot dog (you) and soft serve ice cream (me) from ikea and we used the wrapping service to wrap the light bulb and photo albums we had to get for my sisters as an errand, haha and we gossiped abit (gasp!) and decided my head was just the right height and size to cradle under his head when i lean in. what a wonderful theory.

my braces are killing me. i have knives in my mouth. i can't eat meat properly. what's a carnivore to do??? [ah huh, the secret goal to melting flab is to be denied glorious carbohydrates and lovely chunks of meat - i'm a milo queen these days]

henceforth no more blistering distractions (including malls and bookshops and musicshops and the omnipotent web) but me and my sketchpad and books in my room. i will adopt a new frame of mind to go with the new hair-do and new teeth-things. let the inner-nerd breakforth and embrace the world. confident as the queen.

2005 terry fox run i think i might just sign up, something to motivate me to get up and running. the 4km route is all on sand! i hate that! i'd rather do the 7.5km route and do some real decent running on the roads, half of that is still on sand though. why must so much of the route be on the beach? running on sand takes the fun out of the consistency of running, yucks. singapore is mentioned alongside barcelona and las vegas and some other cities in the september issue of wallpaper, we are becoming funky eh. have you seen the new prada gemma ward ads? chic to a beat. okay i'm going to wake up before sunrise and start the training with a 4km tomorrow morning because i need a fresh start and my brain is too stiff to do work tonight so i'm going to have to wake up early with a run and do my work then. oh! - happy things - i am exchanging music with victoria in studio! her favourite group is belle and sebestian and she's an original fan cos she's from uk up north. i think i'm slowly allowing myself to get excited about school again. what sanitary writing here, pure narration makes me suspicious of myself.

anyway i got wind of some news - a very serious somebody is selling his laptop, which i must add, is in pristine condition, (and it has been to san francisco, seattle and australia - there! for some metaphysical value) so hence, nerds in need, click here: cute boy selling laptop!

amazing photo shoots. gemma ward is all over the place.

i was just remembering, upon doing research for london presentation - do you remember i used to come to your place and borrow your sadler's well books bren? i remember kneeling on your desk and opening the shelf above that opened to a wealth of sadler's well books. what dreamscapes they took us into. did you visit the theatre in london?

the dark sky was but a threat. i did some kilometers in the dim evening after all and i shall make it a point to be a nikegirl in action as many times a week as i can. because, it's a good storage of antidote for potential meloncholia bouts which are, unnecessary, dampening and a bluffing haze for daily goodness in the heart feeling.

how grateful i am that we have minor chords to articulate the sorrowful moments.

distractions can cough up a mighty cloud that hides you from what is important. after some minor chord music, some soul-surfing, gilmore girls for an hour from now, i need a mighty long run to chase out the artificial pathos lingering in the corners. so hence, here i go. a million kms to purge my heart and mind.

but the rain seems to cometh. the sky threatens, at six pm. do not thwart my plans for catharsis! get thee out irreverent sun!

a little fringe a big difference makes. go-go girl glamour in the head.

an absence of five days makes me dizzy upon your presence, such that tonight i couldn't bear for parting and as the taxi glided past you in spurts i admired you from the inside, you and your manly stride, you and your awesome unassuming dressy-ness. and theatre moments would include, always, random nuzzles of [achy-breaky hold still for a moment] moments in the dark. i'd rather watch you than the play.

but it was good. dim sum dollies and their trollies, a you and me go together ritual. vogue report: you in long blue sleeves, me in short purple dress. woody allen moments when we leaned upon the riverside and when we traced the tunnels finding out balcony seats in the esplanade. any short dress day makes a good woody allen day.

music of the week is leona naess's heartpulling dwell-in-the-dark tunes. she does sound like azure ray. meiji has new mango yogurt with real chunks but in my recently formed opinion - nothing beats browns (is it?)sophisticated black cherry flavour.

superhui has burned me (with her super toy aka powerbook ), cds of the oc mixes and copeland and dcfc. so sweet! ouch gum hurts. minus four premolars now, but the trumpeter was there with a brilliant new case. lunch at the grinnin' gecko with the bern, with her new (oh so) beautiful (super-enviable) mulburry pastel green tote! the gums they ache like the crack of dawn. the muscles have cried out for justice - let not flabby blubber conquer - and after a lazy week, tomorrow i aim to conquer the sunrise in a nike dri fit top and the niker runners and good music to go - to conquer the morning i shall! and this semester, to be as confident as the queen.

umberto eco has got a new book out. something i think i will relish when the holidays come. the hard copy with non glossy pages and pictures...a book all about books, how alluring that is.

just when i discovered ali smith [via penguin's 70th anniversay little booklet ali smith's supersonic 70s] she has released a new book 'the accidental', which i will probably also attain and drink up when the holidays come.

and i've fallen quite into e.e. cummings and woolf again [another penguin's little booklet], but i shudder looking at the s.p. book of poetry on the shelf and cannot bring myself to touch it for a while.

and i was lazing on my lorelei [ee jie]'s bed in her place with comfy things like the breeze, the greens outside and a high ceiling of white walls when i chanced upon two issues of 'the new yorker', which delighted me with endless prose-like articles, even one 10 page one on rem koohlas [with poems and little witty cartoons sprinkled around the article, now how delightful!] and we had ice cream with baileys. my lorelei.

and today there was gilmore girls on tv, and i wondered if i should do a shoulder bob like rory. that i did the last time. the next time i chop of the domineering locks, i'll do a wispy chic bob like i had back in jc. erasure and beginning.

i heart the days when we travel yonder you and i

it's exactly a week after.

how are we coping?

school starts and i've got to be a good, brave one. no escaping behind invisible trees.

i felt like a little girl today with two teeth less. extraction is a funny thing. dentists have interesting jobs. mingyao picked me up from the clinic and we went to sembawang hills food centre [oh beloved haven of my childhood eats, the sunday kway chups and popiah] where i sipped milo through a straw and mingyao ate his curry rice. casuarina road has been a constant supper haunt of late, after practice in church; i like that great hawker food is accessible where the view is not that of a hdb void deck and where vivid memories of a mini me cycled to or walked to when i was still living in upper thomson paradise. but yesterday we swung by river valley and had bbq sambal sting ray and mee goreng [oh the seafood!] and fish hor fan [oh the gravy] with barley to top it off. it does seem that we eat quite a lot, or rather i write about our eating escapades quite a bit. look beyond it, i believe that eating is really an excuse for us to spend a little more time together; besides we have great fun with culinary talk and it's really the whole package - the ambience, great parking lots, the right amount of gravy (ooh lavendar food court wanton mee) or being acknowledged as regulars by char siew rice boy or being able to watch your car while you eat at havelock road. is it havelock? he's turned me into a real foodie. discovering iron chef on australian tv was a godsend considering how unappetising tv there is.

and i am glad you sent me home. you were right, i needed it. i dedicate the next two teeth to you too.

yesterday was a me afternoon where i sauntered into coffee club in holland village before the dental appointment and ordered just what i had been craving, a plate of garlic prawn pasta [the succulent prawns...]. so while ra-ra arts students discussed in accent tones about film and literature i sat quietly and had my pasta and a book. after which i ordered a mango tango freeze which i was craving too as well and wrote a six page letter to brenda in the hour. there is something lush and comforting about that place in the middle noon being alone and playing let's pretend in my head and having quiet contemplation about recent, present and future events. actually, i think i just floated in the clouds, for a change.

we are all coming together, to try to piece the broken ends together, to try and comprehend all that could have or could not have happened, but deep down, the only answer we really want, is to have her back.

it's like she was stolen from us, the ones who cherished and loved her. there is so much beauty in her life and we didn't want that to end. there was suppose to be that housewarming we spoke about.

i was glad to meet up with bren, after the last time in brisbane, things have changed, but our friendship still holds stong. the sweet girl gave me a chic poster from paris for my birthday and it's now sitting on my desk adding chicness to my many coloured wall.

for the first time in my life, i realise the dangers of plath.

school is starting. i gotta be responsible.

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"...from the beginning of the beginning of your smile..."

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