a certain consistency is required to form a habit. so i tried. quite glad. after doing twenty laps on monday with the family, i was able to wake up every morning this week to go running before work, some 2.6km some 4km. running before the sun rises is much more enjoyable - the area feels less yishun-like and more like my own concocted world especially shrouded in a film of music i feel i'm breaking through. to continue with my everlasting downsizing project means to continue this throughout may and maybe eat less chocolate and other evil things. which reminds me about what hit me yesterday at the funeral service. suddenly all my [occassional] obsessions about things which need less obsessing about seemed like a silly joke. accepting death is a struggle for me - but i realise yet again the solution is not digging a hole and hiding in it but to go back and seek the maker. the most seemingly cliched phrases are the truest and hardest to achieve. so for me this month, what about a time of stripbare of nonessentials? mental and physical detox and making my spiritual seeking parallel to my running - becoming a habit, and more of course. suddenly all my embarassing whinings about my school work shamed me. for everyone, for everything thus give thanks. and it really is about the heart of worship. life is short. seek God. give love. to dramatise my [un]woes less and be a very good girl.

am nearing the end of the wonderful thick book. soon stupid ted will go off affairing and plath will kill herself. reading about her raving about ted makes me want to go read up his poems and books and plays, to get his perspective too.