J applied to NYU to study journalism.....we watched this film fest. feature called 'tarnation'. eyeopener of sorts. introspective film with all the physical gore.

essay bane. i shall begin my everlasting downsizing project by attempting to wake up at 6 to run tomorrow. no more ruts i say. it's only an essay.

am i being too lackerdaisical about my life where i am now? do i want more? what do i want? i suppose i must dig and do until there is naught of that urging feeling? i don't know. haven't felt that way since jc. j said something that sparked a semblence of the old me. ' i now feel like what i was like when i used to be carefree'. it's always a delimma. am i thinking too much? or is this thought of important worth? doing next sem makes me wanna puke. this amount of years in aki school. and i'm nowhere near tops. that's what pisses me off. from hero to zero. the feeling kills. i should learn i guess, to be satisfied.... a restless mind is not good. whatever it is i must get down to my everlasting downsizing project. a little minor thing to get me going somewhat.