families are intricate, complex organisms. love and hate run high, low and intenesely at different points. we hurt we heal we expect we disappoint we rejoice. but at the end of the day we're all individuals. so therefore, forgive that the big picture may be blurred sometimes. we all falter. the new year started off with forced blase-ness, not forced but layered upon. how to scratch, peel off that surface bit? how to not feel this way?

this week, to watch all the films i said i must watch by 2004, most of it might be my antidote. before sunset. after sunset. dogville. eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. in the mood for love. happy together. fallen angels. the godfather trilogy. great expectations again.

i don't know. i'm soaking deep in reverie. so tsk. tomorrow. thirty laps and 8km run. i look foward to that. that's getting me somewhere good. ee jie says no mooning allowed. so i'm mooning no more. i'm a new hippie.