chill chill chill. coffee, cake, insightful conversation. great beautiful friends i long to hug. soon. christmas, the tinsel and christmas carols and all. commercialised, bah. i love it all. it's a surreal bubble i find myself walking about looking at all this around me. this year suddenly christmas came without any warning. let me release my fear for the future and my guilt from the past that rises neck-high and almost engulfs my whole being. i will gai guo zhi xin. i will strive to be good, better, best. neutralised, born again. this christmas i'm pure, cleansed, untouched. as madam plath would say, i'm "a clean slate, with (my) own face on it"