for all the things we say and do to tell ourselves all things are possible, reality is there are too many things to consider when sometimes you want to do just what they do in the movies, regardless of everything and anything, to do exactly what they want to do at that moment without having to feel pressure, guilt, burden, torn and suffer no consequences cos things fall into place naturally in the movies, hollywood style that is, the most you get, is one hour of suffering.

so of course we continue to feel torn, envious, and utterly disgusted with ourselves. and how sorry we feel for ourselves. so oww, so eww. and i am only whining for sure.