needing catharsis


there are some times i just lose the groove - walking a blur. so many things to do but one has to be alert, prioritise and be in control - clearheaded and still, be bright-eyed about what's around me. maybe this is what happens when i forget to do my qt for months. i guess being human one can't be like that all the time. needing assurance - one of my flaws. this week i was ultrasensitive, lost my cool, forgot, or maybe tipped a little over the edge of forgetting that it's okay, just write it down and get it over step by step. i thought too much, about others opinions; i must remember hence, that it is God's opinion that matters, and to be focused about the product. it's hard to be smiley all the time. i think, i'm generally okay, only when i go into my moments, i become a monster i don't like - i forget, i lose control, and then i regret. how i hate to regret. it is always the same fatal flaws that we have to overcome, like the tide it comes again and again and we must be strong and each time battle it, and perhaps we can overcome it one day. step by step okay. each morning breathe anew and maybe thank God that i'm alive and i can marvel at wonders outside my window. think bigger picture. be more selfless and then all priorities will fall into place. work, attitude, everything. to be compassionate and passionate is the end, but meanwhile it is hard work at battling the little hooks that tug at myself everyday, little bad habits that stumble my walk, makes horrible mountains out of molehills.

i think, this week i attempt begin to be free again, starting with the mundane. starting with ironing out the things i do that create the hiccups.