part one

should have done this earlier in the week then i won't have wasted many restless hours at home. we plonked ourselves in coffee bean at scotts shopping centre so i could do my work there before heading for an anticipated dinner. whilst the boy spent his time 'doing nothing', which he claims he is very good at, which translates to looking around at people and flipping through magazines lying around and taking a walk to far east shopping centre to check out golf clubs, i sat reading with white ipod earphones plugged in and occassionally sipping the white chocolate latte. it was a very good place to concentrate in, away from the immediate humdrum of the outside crowd and airconditioned but not too claustrophobic because that isn't a very visually prominent outlet.

part two

at six we headed to our discussed destination, wasabi tei japanese restaurant at far east plaza. it's more like a little eatery with a humble, almost nondescript entrance. it's very small, just enough to seat about eighteen people, with the chef and his wife doing his thing in the middle. hush he says, the chef is very fierce and temperemental, must not talk too loud or make any comments. and indeed that was the general atmosphere. like going to grandmothers - sit. eat. don't talk. but the food. oh the food. it was good. resonably priced sushi, in fact cheap considering the generous portions and freshness. we had a sushi platter (salmon, tuna, some other white fish i couldn't identify, prawn) and a plate of teriyaki chicken that came with a huge amount of white cabbage. the teriyaki chicken was very well done. which means not so overly drenched in teriyaki sauce or burnt like cheap yakitori. the sauce was just slight enough to add a tinge of flavour to the meat. oh yes. the sushi came in really thick chunks. if it's crowded though one had better wait outside or the chef will chase you out with his busy no-nonsense tone and a wave of his hand. and then you will feel like you've been shamed in front of your classmates and retreat in haste. it was something like that. haha but it was fun.

part three

then we walked to kinokuniya where i bought the lastest issue of SA and Walter Benjamin's Illuminations with some of the vouchers i got for my birthday. save your vouchers for when you're broke and the spending will feel golden! i still have ten dollars left and i will save it for next month's wallpaper/vogue uk/nylon. which ever is good. but only one.

to self: the night is young! can one! focus leh!

fashion-y things



ever since sharon got me a copy of self-service for a christmas gift last year i'd been fascinated by the gorgeousness and sheer indulgence of reading about fashion seen so seriously. maybe it's because i like their constant use of biba-resque fonts. or the interviews with designers or makers of beautiful things. it's nice they a preview online. and you can view nylon online too at their myspace site, which is a very good thing for poor students like me who only want to purchase certain issues. they're always sold out at kinokuniya anyways and i don't see them at borders anymore. of course, these are very also good distractions from more important things, which makes it very bad, in a way.

good evening. it's a long night. i would like to walk on grass and send postcards. that will have to wait.

these make me smile. shaun called me before my birthday to ask me if i liked chocolate and i said yah and the bf's guy buddies got me, aside kino vouchers i've yet to use, the lady and the chocolate book by edward morton. what truths!heh.

the world is not so hard to be in. sometimes their stares can burn you and make you feel as small as a worthless something. but it shouldn't be as hard as this, and it isn't. there's no formula but to build yourself up and make yourself answerable only to God and yourself and set the standards which are unshakable by the rejections of the world. and you have to fight through it hard, and find your way out. the maze will tire you out. the loneliness is a brick wall. find your way out the best you can and don't mind being trodden on sometimes. the sad songs. the happy songs. everything - it's part of the process. drink it up like a dream. the most that will happen is waking up, into the sun. sometimes you may need to cry, totally permissible but under conditions of cathartic resolve at the end of it. don't be afraid to push yourself tough, blood and sweat. it's not even that. at least, if you even attempt to do it, make it a good one, a happy one.

please come out smiling at the end of this one.

after a day of you

you make me smile in my heart and my jaw aches because i smile and laugh too much whenever i am with you - you are like a moving photograph and i stare and stare with awe and when you take my hand and squeeze it i remember i am yours. you're very cool leh.

+ + +

we had dim sum at red star restaurant at chin swee road, mingyao and his buddies. there was good food and banter (i don't like the word...) that is all. but it was good fun.

saturday night and there is sad music on. you know the film sabrina, starring harrison ford, not the audrey hepburn one. ah. the former, it's very sad. the soundtrack makes you cry and bleed. alot of things can make you cry and bleed. ah.

+ + +

"on these days of creativity i can feel it already; how the husks slide off the things and how everything becomes trusting and forgets all manner of disguise. moments of creativity are like twilights after heavy summer days. all things are like young girls, white and gentle and of a smiling sadness...

these are moments only, but in these moments i look deep into the earth. and see the causes of all things like the roots of broad rustling trees. and see how they all reach to one another and hold one another like brothers. and they all drink from one source.

and these are moments only, but at these moments i see high into the sky. and see the stars like quiet, smiling blossoms of these rustling trees. and they sway and wave to one another and know that one depth gives them fragrance and sweetness.

and these are moments only, but at these moments i look far across the earth. and i see that people are strong and solitary tree trunks that lead broad bridges from the roots to the blossoms and calmly and serenely lift the juices into the sun.

...joy makes one creative. the two of us shall find through the paradise of having regained each other the surest way into this summer, which no chance occurence can take from us. to me at least it is like a posession granted by a high power, since i have held it for so long already in day and dream as my heart's innermost hope."

rainer maria rilke, from the florence diaries.

i pray and cross my fingers. given a second chance i will do my very best. my fears will not snatch this from me. turn it around and make myself like what i grew distant towards. it is only a game! maybe, in the cheek of love me if you dare, this one is to myself: dare.

ee jie's gone to new york. miss her already.

stress.

popular mechanics for dreamers

the night is long. it is getting past the freeze - the sudden state of numbness. tinge of frozen panic - when you look at the white white screen. writing is like art is like writing is like running is like everything else. once you are in it like a machine all these fears are blocked out. only when you pause to take a sip of black coffee or walk to the window to smell the night sky then you are out in the open again, vulnerable and cautious and unsure. the product will come. faith and action and faith and action and hope and machine.

some music streaming. the almost noiseless whirling of the fan. no scorching sun trying to attack me. other people working up late on msn. or not. taking comfort in the like of my own typing style - very aggressive. the viscious clicks and clatter are therapeutic. like running or walking or drinking water. i can do it with my eyes close. articulate. articulate. articulate.

temptations. pretend they are rewards. to do after academia takes a break:

_run to upper thomson road
_read my new book
_eat pizza with mingyao
_get new preppy haircut
_write letters
_mail letters
_cloth-window-shopping at arab street
_have a beer at the reservoir at night (idea, lover dude)we can do this with the
pizza!

...and the minutes pass like eating chocolate

pretty, good things



these are kinda cool. i saw them here.


this is mine in september. i saw them here.


these i can only admire from afar. stella mccartney's autumn 2006 collection.


i have always though imitation of christ's stuff were kinda girly sexy. like clothes you wore when you were a child playing in gardens and going to buy ice cream. and then you continue to wear them when you're older. these are actually from the spring/summer 2006 collection. i saw them here


on a final note. milla jovovich is the new face of mango. very nice. i like.

five o clock. if i don't do enough by then i won't allow myself a run in the evening.

And your smile makes it bright

he knew i was miserable after having wasted two weeks on getting sidetracked. so he said, hey mei want to be spontaneous? i'll come fetch you and you and me, we'll go to the airport and chill. and of course i said yes and he came and we went and we wandered through the place and we sat watching aeroplanes take off and had a very enjoyable conversation in the dim lights. and i bask in your presence. i love the sound of your voice. it soothes me in a cradle.yes it was fun. i love you much.

thinking aloud: to run or not to run

i am wondering if i should take part in this year's terry fox run at sentosa. i've been lazy lately to join mass runs because i've grown more claustrophobic as i get older (somehow...) and i hate running on sand. otherwise this looks good. the route is such that i get to run through the sentosa cove development and if i get bored of running i can slow down and look at the big expensive houses on construction. also it's two days after my dissertation submission...maybe i will need a long run then to let off steam. anyhow, i have time to think about it. maybe if they provide a shirt with a nicer design...in dri-fit material...

back to microsoft word.

marks and spencers doesn't lie




when they say that their white coated chocolate biscuit is very very chocolate-y. in a frail moment of desire upon walking past the display rack, i remembered that i like white chocolate very much. it's more cool to say ooh i like dark chocolate (very prissy and posh) but then we have days for those, and days for these (gasp!) very thickly-coated white chocolate biscuits. and if one day upon meandering on the shopping streets you come across the confectionery section of marks and spencers, and linger amongst the blocks of chocolates, exotic chips, eclair candies, tea selections and digestives, you must remember to pick up a box of these (they look humble but they are a dream to have) and bring them home. pardon my fumbling. i am only very shockingly pleased.

she speaks in rhymes



"and if you must, if you wish to be artists, grant all forces the right to lift and press you down, to shackle you and set you fre. it's only a game, don't be afraid."

-p.46

"the way towards the true value of all works of art goes through solitude. to suuround oneself with a book, with a painting, with a song, for two or three days, to become familiar with its habits and to trace its oddities, to gain confidence in ti, to earn its trust, and to experience something together with it, no matter what: a grief, a dream, a longing.

-p.32

rainer maria rilke

i wanted his poems. and his good persuasive prose. and i love to read memoirs of writers, artists and poets. although i will have to shelve this until i have more time, perhaps, a walk at the beach or on a cold day, when the mind has no earthly deadlines and thus feels more free to roam and run wildly, then i will devour this promptly and properly. but of course, it is the one and precise buy.

ms. woolf speaks:

"no one perhaps has ever felt passionately towards a lead pencil. but there are circumstances in which it can become supremely desirable to possess one; moments when we are set upon having an object, an excuse for walking half across london between tea and dinner. as the foxhunter hunts in order to preserve the breed of foxes, and the golfer plays in order that open spaces may be preserved from the builders, so when the desire comes upon us to go street rambling the pencil does for a pretext, and getting up we say:'really i must buy a pencil,' as if under cover of this excuse we could indulge safely in the greatest pleasure of town life in winter - rambling the streets of london."

virginia woolf; street haunting: a london adventure

ahh. rambling through streets. ms. woolf, it is not winter but i really must, must go to town to spend my borders cut-out discount coupon. but coupons, like vouchers, they give me great distress. i do not know which book to buy! there are too many, and with coupons, like vouchers, the book must be chosen with great care and deep satisfaction, so when i finally purchase it, in my heart and head i am happy because, it is the only and precise book i can buy with this particular coupon.

chapter 1: academia beats me into pulp

and because the sun outside is mild and behind a cloud, and the air is sweet and quiet and moist after the short shower, and because the stereo is playing songs that sound very england and i think i would like a swim but it is too far and i have to be good and work on my stagnated papers because i have to be a good academic and not think about being out in the sun in the pool or out with my boy or my friends on the shopping streets, ease your feet off in the sea/my darling it's the place to be; i must think how nice it is that i am forced to sit down and read and write and think and hypothesise in the after rain and with hot tea and with my sister sprawled on my bed doing her illustrations. i must substantiate this pretty picture with hardiness and depth so i can go for a fulfilling run to the stadium at the end of the day in my new running shorts and the air will be sweeter if i am a hardworking girl now.with a star upon your shoulder lighting up the path that you walk;

chapter two: run for your life

and i did not really want to run. but i could not let my new nike shorts down and so i did and i ran to the stadium and everybody in there looked so happy filled with endorphins so i ran five rounds too and i ran back home and now my limbs feel gloriously ache-y. gloriously! and i have a healthy pink flush, and a good tremor in my knees. the night is quite fine. and i have faith again. gloriously!

the picnic that went indoors

so ee jie had a picnic for my mother's friends before she goes off to new york. it was to be a picnic at the botanical gardens, with picnic mat, straw picnic basket from york, cupcakes from shangri la hotel and etc etc etc. and of course it poured. but the last minute wet weather program arranged through a five minute phonecall proved to be a sweet alternative. we all ajourned to auntie j's house at bukit timah for an alternative type of picnic. out on her huge verandah with timber deck, koi pond, timber furniture and a good after-rain breeze, this picnic was not bad at all.

mee tai mak lunch and a long snooze in your presence. i like.

ps. and i didn't even watch the national day parade. tsk. shame on me. but at least we had durians.

a birthday belt!

today i met up with chenghui, charmaine and helly because chenghui is going to yale soon for his masters. charmaine gave me a belated birthday present. ooh! a very lovely green and gold belt from her friend's website.

I'll start gold mines in the sky



a tote that mingyao's mother gave me today. gold everything. my new nike jacket is black and gold. i wore a black and gold camisole yesterday. in my bag was a matt gold-coloured sigg water bottle.

+++

mei: you make me happy you know that
mingyao: i know
mingyao: because you look happy everytime you see me

+++

lenny kravitz's in the house. in the car.

homesick at the drama centre

i'm glad i went to watch the play homesick by wild rice, with chin ee. it's part of the singapore theatre festival and there is still one more day that they're showing the production so i pretty much recommend this if you have no plans on sunday. the play is about the singapore identity, or lack thereof, and the script and acting were pretty tight. it was a good idea to have the whole set of the house on stage so you could see what the other actors were doing in other rooms while the spotlight was not on them. the script was witty though towards the end it got a bit too whiney, the sentimental bit so i think it ended just about the right time. all in all i think wild rice has always produced good plays and this one was just about right to replace last year's dim sum dollies' dose of local satire and fun wit. the love-hate relationship continues, but i think we're getting better at the loving bit actually.

it's friday, i'm in love

actually, saturday already but i'm singing that song in my head.

post-its:

1_i bought new dri-fit running shorts from nikewomen because i don't have enough. it's black and red. gorgeous running gear really makes the running more glamorous, at least in my head, but that's fine. anything for the motivation. rar!

2_i don't really understand the ipod system of uploading songs from itunes. why must they delete songs from your ipod that arn't in your itunes? but anyway i'm thankful for my new white toy. it makes travelling, very dramatic and i get hazy-eyed.

3_i'm going to watch a play with ee jie tomorrow. i'm thankful for a wide range of siblings to choose from for different activities. one for arty stuff like museums and plays, one for running and climbing-related topics, one for music and design and one for, hmm. random teasing.

4_when i have an empty blot out of the blue, those blank spots in your mind in between thoughts, i feel a craving to write letters. or when i miss somebody. my lucky boyfriend is going to receive yet another letter. i flood him with letters on unused postcards and scribbly handwriting that i think looks rather elegant (heh. my thought. so vain. who admires their own handwriting?)

wrapped up in books



things you do when you're suppose to be doing something else, taken from here.

it's thursday morning. by dusk, pen some.