no translation allowed
sometimes i think the way i write is still too literal. i don't like it. but i have to record or else. it's not about abstractions, but some people can write like their soul's on the white page. the mind's not in the way. i like that. i hope i get there someday.
i ran to the stadium for a change of scenery. now i have to work through the night. set a deadline before the sun appears.
soundtrack: 1977 and late night radio.
Monday, July 31, 2006
electricity in the air
it was a lovely end of the week, end of the month. with wine and friends saying funny things and doing stupid, but very essential, preppy crapping. a bit like a dream. you know. being dizzy. being young. i witnessed mingyao's convocation ceremony with his parents and helped him to take shots with the mighty d2h. it was fun and i was proud. oh. it was hot.
on friday we met early and had a secret something. we bought beer and chilli cheese fries from carl's junior (ah! meat!) and he made me his special concoction of vodka peach and fanta blast. that was strong. nearly knocked me silly. anyway we spent the afternoon lazing away without a care in the world. now of course we had cares but it was pretend time eh, a momentary voluntary sweet fib to ourselves. so we were enjoying each other's company in the silence and in front of cable tv (oh tv! oh cable tv! oh american trash! reruns of oprah and valentino) before getting ready for his convocation ball at the conrad continnental hotel. it was the same hall where leech got married last saturday. very classy place, with mirrors and a wide spiral staircase and bellhops bowing to you and all.
so then he was so cute posing in his suit and brown shirt. styling your hair with gel is an art. he says whilst primping and admiring himself in the mirror. wahaha. oh! i admired you too when you were and were not looking. i guess you could tell that from my eyes that i thought you were cute. i had on a new black and white flower print chiffon dress with a black satin waist band and my ususal trusty chic gold pointy stilettos from topshop. the killer touch that distracts the whole assemble. it was really fun, helping him to take photos of him and his friends and talking to joni and the rest. the dinner itself was rather boring. chinese food. asparagus. no good. but the salty chicken was alright. the program was predictably cheesy. but i'm glad he had fun just being in the company of his buddies. dang though! that i did not win the superb lucky draw prizes. after that we opened a bottle of red wine and had supper from lavendar food center. the guys were off their rockers. they bought every mandatory supper dish!char kway teow, beef kway teow, chicken wings, fried carrot cake and hokkein mee. but it was a necessary way to end the night. mingyao was right. it was a good break for me. it was lovely. very prom. very fitzgerald and very preppy. like a dash of salinger. just the way it should be.
Oh, it's true
I can't let go
I miss you, oh you know
angel interceptor, ash
it was a lovely end of the week, end of the month. with wine and friends saying funny things and doing stupid, but very essential, preppy crapping. a bit like a dream. you know. being dizzy. being young. i witnessed mingyao's convocation ceremony with his parents and helped him to take shots with the mighty d2h. it was fun and i was proud. oh. it was hot.
on friday we met early and had a secret something. we bought beer and chilli cheese fries from carl's junior (ah! meat!) and he made me his special concoction of vodka peach and fanta blast. that was strong. nearly knocked me silly. anyway we spent the afternoon lazing away without a care in the world. now of course we had cares but it was pretend time eh, a momentary voluntary sweet fib to ourselves. so we were enjoying each other's company in the silence and in front of cable tv (oh tv! oh cable tv! oh american trash! reruns of oprah and valentino) before getting ready for his convocation ball at the conrad continnental hotel. it was the same hall where leech got married last saturday. very classy place, with mirrors and a wide spiral staircase and bellhops bowing to you and all.
so then he was so cute posing in his suit and brown shirt. styling your hair with gel is an art. he says whilst primping and admiring himself in the mirror. wahaha. oh! i admired you too when you were and were not looking. i guess you could tell that from my eyes that i thought you were cute. i had on a new black and white flower print chiffon dress with a black satin waist band and my ususal trusty chic gold pointy stilettos from topshop. the killer touch that distracts the whole assemble. it was really fun, helping him to take photos of him and his friends and talking to joni and the rest. the dinner itself was rather boring. chinese food. asparagus. no good. but the salty chicken was alright. the program was predictably cheesy. but i'm glad he had fun just being in the company of his buddies. dang though! that i did not win the superb lucky draw prizes. after that we opened a bottle of red wine and had supper from lavendar food center. the guys were off their rockers. they bought every mandatory supper dish!char kway teow, beef kway teow, chicken wings, fried carrot cake and hokkein mee. but it was a necessary way to end the night. mingyao was right. it was a good break for me. it was lovely. very prom. very fitzgerald and very preppy. like a dash of salinger. just the way it should be.
Oh, it's true
I can't let go
I miss you, oh you know
angel interceptor, ash
Saturday, July 29, 2006
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
You can cut all the flowers but you cannot keep spring from coming.
pablo neruda (extracts)
have you ever read his poems? even in translation, they can grip at your heart with tears of extreme, unfathomable joy or anguish. you can go from smiling to crying to smiling again across stanzas and lines.
this time of the month, this time of the year:
death is a great sadness and with death, forgetting can never really happen. they could have stolen your presence but in the ones you truly loved and touched, the memories have taken deep root in every one of us and they are part of what makes us who we are as we continue to live this earth and grow older, wiser, with more pessimism, or optimism, more selfishness, or more love. for the past few weeks when i thought of her randomly, i wanted to articulate something but did not know what. now with a rock in my throat, this suddenly came to me. and as i feel a great loss at the profound cruel sorrow of your passing last year, i thank God that i have memories of you so wonderful and whole and beautiful that they remind me of the need to be a better person and to love those around me with more than i think i can give.
You can cut all the flowers but you cannot keep spring from coming.
pablo neruda (extracts)
have you ever read his poems? even in translation, they can grip at your heart with tears of extreme, unfathomable joy or anguish. you can go from smiling to crying to smiling again across stanzas and lines.
this time of the month, this time of the year:
death is a great sadness and with death, forgetting can never really happen. they could have stolen your presence but in the ones you truly loved and touched, the memories have taken deep root in every one of us and they are part of what makes us who we are as we continue to live this earth and grow older, wiser, with more pessimism, or optimism, more selfishness, or more love. for the past few weeks when i thought of her randomly, i wanted to articulate something but did not know what. now with a rock in my throat, this suddenly came to me. and as i feel a great loss at the profound cruel sorrow of your passing last year, i thank God that i have memories of you so wonderful and whole and beautiful that they remind me of the need to be a better person and to love those around me with more than i think i can give.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
i have a story to tell. lemme gush some mush
when mingyao and i were very young (compared to now) he called me up one day and asked me to meet him at the void deck. when i was there he presented me with a pair of pretty sparkling diamond studs for my birthday. those earrings were very expensive for a poor student to purchase and represent great sentiment.
so then, last week while i was showering to my shock and horror i discovered that one of the earrings had dropped and was nowhere to be found. i sobbed and blabbered (mucus dribbling and all) to mingyao over the phone and he comforted me, saying some of the sweetest things to calm my broken heart.
and now we come to the miracle. lo and behold my dad found the earring today in the toilet on the floor, either stuck in a crevice or a sponge! what are the chances? toilet floor you know. and i told mingyao, when i first saw them i thought how sweet he was and how pretty they were, but now all our years together have added sentiment and meaning to them, and when i wear them now, i still think they are pretty but the first thought that comes to my mind is how happy i am that he is mine.
and of course two lessons were learnt by yours truly. number one is to take extra care of my valuables and number two, is that my boyfriend is priceless. (though of course i know that already lars even before this, the situation just served to emphasise this more). to sooth my shaky tears he said that he bought those earrings to show me that he loved me, but now that i know that, the earrings are not important anymore.
okay lars i know it is a bit indulgent and mushy, but it is a miracle_what are the odds?_and so let me gush!
when mingyao and i were very young (compared to now) he called me up one day and asked me to meet him at the void deck. when i was there he presented me with a pair of pretty sparkling diamond studs for my birthday. those earrings were very expensive for a poor student to purchase and represent great sentiment.
so then, last week while i was showering to my shock and horror i discovered that one of the earrings had dropped and was nowhere to be found. i sobbed and blabbered (mucus dribbling and all) to mingyao over the phone and he comforted me, saying some of the sweetest things to calm my broken heart.
and now we come to the miracle. lo and behold my dad found the earring today in the toilet on the floor, either stuck in a crevice or a sponge! what are the chances? toilet floor you know. and i told mingyao, when i first saw them i thought how sweet he was and how pretty they were, but now all our years together have added sentiment and meaning to them, and when i wear them now, i still think they are pretty but the first thought that comes to my mind is how happy i am that he is mine.
and of course two lessons were learnt by yours truly. number one is to take extra care of my valuables and number two, is that my boyfriend is priceless. (though of course i know that already lars even before this, the situation just served to emphasise this more). to sooth my shaky tears he said that he bought those earrings to show me that he loved me, but now that i know that, the earrings are not important anymore.
okay lars i know it is a bit indulgent and mushy, but it is a miracle_what are the odds?_and so let me gush!
Sunday, July 23, 2006
cards and such
one_the outside two_the inside with customary ang pao three_the card itself. hearts are boring. let's give them stars!
ten minute wedding card for leech's wedding on saturday at the conrad continnental hotel. sweet affair and kelly is such a funny companion to have. she put the sailing and life guard people at the same table you see. three degrees of separation all come together at weddings. kelly's friend cheryl turned out to be sharon's kaki and bern was there and so was mark and in the distance, my vj history teacher miss goh. i'm happy for leech_those saturdays of salty wind and pot lucks at ensley's house and mucking around on small boats.
one_the outside two_the inside with customary ang pao three_the card itself. hearts are boring. let's give them stars!
ten minute wedding card for leech's wedding on saturday at the conrad continnental hotel. sweet affair and kelly is such a funny companion to have. she put the sailing and life guard people at the same table you see. three degrees of separation all come together at weddings. kelly's friend cheryl turned out to be sharon's kaki and bern was there and so was mark and in the distance, my vj history teacher miss goh. i'm happy for leech_those saturdays of salty wind and pot lucks at ensley's house and mucking around on small boats.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
she's our lorelai
my eldest sister will be leaving for new york state in about a month's time, for three years. i will miss her. in some ways, actually many ways, she's like our lorelai - the same protectiveness, and the same kookiness displayed. actually, she's kind of like the perfect older sister. she hardly gets mad, is generous to a fault and is possibly the best role model model type without being too stiff about it. fact is, i guess, i acquired alot of habits from her - not too bad fashion sense, love of reading, love of art, love of beautiful things, love of literary jargon, etc. from a lawyer to soon-to-be linguistics professor - i'd be glad if at her age i'll accomplish half as much as she has, plus the great personality and the forgiving and accepting nature she has, plus i will miss her homely cooking and her uncontained infectious laughter at any slightly possible funny thing on tv.
i hope i can save up enough to visit her in albany. two years ago i gave up visiting her in nottingham where she was doing her masters for a trip to canada and i've never quite forgiven myself for that.
my eldest sister will be leaving for new york state in about a month's time, for three years. i will miss her. in some ways, actually many ways, she's like our lorelai - the same protectiveness, and the same kookiness displayed. actually, she's kind of like the perfect older sister. she hardly gets mad, is generous to a fault and is possibly the best role model model type without being too stiff about it. fact is, i guess, i acquired alot of habits from her - not too bad fashion sense, love of reading, love of art, love of beautiful things, love of literary jargon, etc. from a lawyer to soon-to-be linguistics professor - i'd be glad if at her age i'll accomplish half as much as she has, plus the great personality and the forgiving and accepting nature she has, plus i will miss her homely cooking and her uncontained infectious laughter at any slightly possible funny thing on tv.
i hope i can save up enough to visit her in albany. two years ago i gave up visiting her in nottingham where she was doing her masters for a trip to canada and i've never quite forgiven myself for that.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Saturday, July 15, 2006
beautiful lofty things
yeats and morning music from a surprise mix-tape from sweet friend with pretty music and hot chocolate, obscured from the too-bright sun
+ + +
THAT crazed girl improvising her music.
Her poetry, dancing upon the shore,
Her soul in division from itself
Climbing, falling she knew not where,
Hiding amid the cargo of a steamship,
Her knee-cap broken, that girl I declare
A beautiful lofty thing, or a thing
Heroically lost, heroically found.
yeats, a crazed girl
+ + +
the calendar was the saddest thing
that I ever read
beulah, i'll be your lampshade
+ + +
THE LOVER TELLS OF THE ROSE IN HIS HEART
ALL things uncomely and broken, all things worn out
and old,
The cry of a child by the roadway, the creak of a lum-
bering cart,
The heavy steps of the ploughman, splashing the
wintry mould,
Are wronging your image that blossoms a rose in the
deeps of my heart.
The wrong of unshapely things is a wrong too great
to be told;
I hunger to build them anew and sit on a green knoll
apart,
With the earth and the sky and the water, re-made, like
a casket of gold
For my dreams of your image that blossoms a rose in
the deeps of my heart.
yeats, from the wind among the reeds
yeats can make you cry.
yeats and morning music from a surprise mix-tape from sweet friend with pretty music and hot chocolate, obscured from the too-bright sun
+ + +
THAT crazed girl improvising her music.
Her poetry, dancing upon the shore,
Her soul in division from itself
Climbing, falling she knew not where,
Hiding amid the cargo of a steamship,
Her knee-cap broken, that girl I declare
A beautiful lofty thing, or a thing
Heroically lost, heroically found.
yeats, a crazed girl
+ + +
the calendar was the saddest thing
that I ever read
beulah, i'll be your lampshade
+ + +
THE LOVER TELLS OF THE ROSE IN HIS HEART
ALL things uncomely and broken, all things worn out
and old,
The cry of a child by the roadway, the creak of a lum-
bering cart,
The heavy steps of the ploughman, splashing the
wintry mould,
Are wronging your image that blossoms a rose in the
deeps of my heart.
The wrong of unshapely things is a wrong too great
to be told;
I hunger to build them anew and sit on a green knoll
apart,
With the earth and the sky and the water, re-made, like
a casket of gold
For my dreams of your image that blossoms a rose in
the deeps of my heart.
yeats, from the wind among the reeds
yeats can make you cry.
Friday, July 14, 2006
cherry blossom girl
today i thought about, ten things i like about me.
i like to
watch planes take off through glass walls
wrap my arms around myself when i'm wearing sweaters
watch music videos in the dark
wrap presents using printed cloth
buy and stash wide satin or transluscent ribbons
watch tv with my legs above the sofa
look at my own handwriting when it's scribbly
toast my bread and use appropriate knives
take black and white wedding photographs
write letters spontaneously, frequently to my boyfriend
what do you like?
today i thought about, ten things i like about me.
i like to
watch planes take off through glass walls
wrap my arms around myself when i'm wearing sweaters
watch music videos in the dark
wrap presents using printed cloth
buy and stash wide satin or transluscent ribbons
watch tv with my legs above the sofa
look at my own handwriting when it's scribbly
toast my bread and use appropriate knives
take black and white wedding photographs
write letters spontaneously, frequently to my boyfriend
what do you like?
chimay adventures in stereo/ plans around a square plastic table in idlescape/ reminiscing about irc and college entries/ fuel was fish head curry and beef and thai chicken and chimay bleu/ noteworthy was odd characters behind the counter whose weirdness multipled and magnified due to the necessity of organisation and analysis before action/ getaway car and getaway music/ high on boldness and dramatic misadventure/ belle and sebestian and interpol heralds in future psychedelic possibilities and ritualistic clinks/ we sped through the highway in bursts and spurts of gasping laughter to suburbia and sleep.
p.s. have a great flight yvette! thank you for the music and the fun. see you for part two next year!
p.s. have a great flight yvette! thank you for the music and the fun. see you for part two next year!
Thursday, July 13, 2006
"I always loved running... it was something you could do by yourself, and under your own power. You could go in any direction, fast or slow as you wanted, fighting the wind if you felt like it, seeking out new sights just on the strength of your feet and the courage of your lungs." ~Jesse Owens
i've been good. mon, tues and wed. now to be persistent. thursday to go.
i've been good. mon, tues and wed. now to be persistent. thursday to go.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
post-its_all the fluff in the world!
++ it's quite hot. i won't mind a heavy shower that smashes angrily against my window and brings forth howling winds like in a jane austen novel.
++ i need new music. somebody recommend me something... i've resorted to late night radio. actually, it's not that bad, nostalgia is quite comforting.
++ i need fashion advice. birkenstocks-related. should i get the silver one, the navy blue one or the dark gold one? i'm desiring a neutral colour.
++ i would like to check this out some time. i think if i were ever a ______(fill in blacks) designer, it would have to be camisoles. if i could i would be a collector of summer-y camisoles. and also, a collectory of lamps, pencil skirts and of course, note books.
++ i don't understand why people would blast the music on their handphone out loud in the train. don't they have ear phones? don't they know not everybody wants to listen to their music? the last time it was ahbengs and their chinese ballads. another time it was hip hop something. don't they know it is irritating? don't they see the looks of annoyance around them? this girl next to me did it yesterday. i told her to lower the volume and gave her 'the eye' but she didn't take the hint. i think next time i'm going to be direct about it.
++ i am actually itching to watch the oc.
++ it's quite hot. i won't mind a heavy shower that smashes angrily against my window and brings forth howling winds like in a jane austen novel.
++ i need new music. somebody recommend me something... i've resorted to late night radio. actually, it's not that bad, nostalgia is quite comforting.
++ i need fashion advice. birkenstocks-related. should i get the silver one, the navy blue one or the dark gold one? i'm desiring a neutral colour.
++ i would like to check this out some time. i think if i were ever a ______(fill in blacks) designer, it would have to be camisoles. if i could i would be a collector of summer-y camisoles. and also, a collectory of lamps, pencil skirts and of course, note books.
++ i don't understand why people would blast the music on their handphone out loud in the train. don't they have ear phones? don't they know not everybody wants to listen to their music? the last time it was ahbengs and their chinese ballads. another time it was hip hop something. don't they know it is irritating? don't they see the looks of annoyance around them? this girl next to me did it yesterday. i told her to lower the volume and gave her 'the eye' but she didn't take the hint. i think next time i'm going to be direct about it.
++ i am actually itching to watch the oc.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
of car-rides, make-up and coffee
sweet mingyao bought some of my current favourite australian natural gummies from the petrol station last night and stashed them in my locker (actually his car locker which i lay claim to) and told me today to look in the locker after picking me up and lo and behold, gummies! awww... awesome yo!
i like acting, i like getting reactions from the audience and playing pretend. thank God for how today's JOH production went well. mingyao looked smashing/dashing in his suit. everyone in the band wore suits, and i had 80s high-front model-ly hair and cat eye ticks and adele made buttons for everyone and carried out the customary polaroid picture-taking. thereafter was random car ride to book cafe for stuffy lazing and an ad-hoc ride to east coast beach after which we decided we should head home and took a long car ride via the TPE to my home. back home to books. soul song's in my head.
sweet mingyao bought some of my current favourite australian natural gummies from the petrol station last night and stashed them in my locker (actually his car locker which i lay claim to) and told me today to look in the locker after picking me up and lo and behold, gummies! awww... awesome yo!
i like acting, i like getting reactions from the audience and playing pretend. thank God for how today's JOH production went well. mingyao looked smashing/dashing in his suit. everyone in the band wore suits, and i had 80s high-front model-ly hair and cat eye ticks and adele made buttons for everyone and carried out the customary polaroid picture-taking. thereafter was random car ride to book cafe for stuffy lazing and an ad-hoc ride to east coast beach after which we decided we should head home and took a long car ride via the TPE to my home. back home to books. soul song's in my head.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Thursday, July 06, 2006
poor ying and her dad are in hospital because of dengue fever but they're better now. sammie, sharon and i went to the hospital yesterday and we sat around ying eating meiji white chocolate macademia chocolates and lemon candy. we got her a cute card and a magazine to read when she got bored. the hospital's really cool, they have restaurant-type menus with dishes like grilled salmon and japanese bento sets but i suppose when you're really ill you won't really want all that tasty food, so poor ying just had porridge.
mingyao made a surprise call and picked me up from the library (you can do a lot with photocopying machines, and i like that!) before we headed to the hospital. ah the joys of suddenly knowing you're going to see him when it was unplanned, and the joys of travelling in the car with you, and alas the longing when you had to leave for home early.
oooh on tuesday we had lunch at my lovely homely sembawang hills food centre (because i get to wave at my old house at greenmeadows, it feels sweet) and we met skippy trippy yvette at wheelock place for catch-up tea. awesome craving for the idea of cake (i think, more than having the cake itself) so i had a tiramisu. i really like the coffee bean outlet behind borders. there's airconditioner but you get to feel the weather change, mentally i suppose, and the idea-at-the-back-of-my head that there's a big cool store with millions of music and billions of books just next to me is a very good feeling. like, turn around and ooh books!
gotta memorise my lines for saturday and work on my schoolwork, behind is no good. aim for in front.
moosik for this noon_soundtracks galore so that reading can be more atmospheric: eternal sunshine of the spotless mind/love me if you dare/ gattaca/ the virgin suicides and, faye wong.
mingyao made a surprise call and picked me up from the library (you can do a lot with photocopying machines, and i like that!) before we headed to the hospital. ah the joys of suddenly knowing you're going to see him when it was unplanned, and the joys of travelling in the car with you, and alas the longing when you had to leave for home early.
oooh on tuesday we had lunch at my lovely homely sembawang hills food centre (because i get to wave at my old house at greenmeadows, it feels sweet) and we met skippy trippy yvette at wheelock place for catch-up tea. awesome craving for the idea of cake (i think, more than having the cake itself) so i had a tiramisu. i really like the coffee bean outlet behind borders. there's airconditioner but you get to feel the weather change, mentally i suppose, and the idea-at-the-back-of-my head that there's a big cool store with millions of music and billions of books just next to me is a very good feeling. like, turn around and ooh books!
gotta memorise my lines for saturday and work on my schoolwork, behind is no good. aim for in front.
moosik for this noon_soundtracks galore so that reading can be more atmospheric: eternal sunshine of the spotless mind/love me if you dare/ gattaca/ the virgin suicides and, faye wong.
Monday, July 03, 2006
Sunday, July 02, 2006
today we attended yuling and andy's wedding. it was sweet and succint and so many familiar faces were there from the overlapping of groups of friends - bren, sab, huini, jo dong, and mingyao's friends who have become very familiar over the years. it's the beginning of the on slaught of weddings to attend but i'm always happy for the individual couples because it's so surreal, like how when i was young only 'adults' got married, but when it's my friend i realise what a wonderful thing this 'getting married' stuff is and means and i feel genuinely happy for these friends.
well, we were early so we actually went to do some grocery shopping at the supermarket before the wedding. also, invented secret arm-finger code.
this morning i went to my mother's place and added a little violet-brown highlights to my hair. and bought edward said's 'orientalism' from borders which came in such a nice shiny smooth cover. it's a new 25th anniversary edition. it smells very new. gah. i must go read it lars.
well, we were early so we actually went to do some grocery shopping at the supermarket before the wedding. also, invented secret arm-finger code.
this morning i went to my mother's place and added a little violet-brown highlights to my hair. and bought edward said's 'orientalism' from borders which came in such a nice shiny smooth cover. it's a new 25th anniversary edition. it smells very new. gah. i must go read it lars.