experiment in half tone black and white.

my birthday poster from paris bren! a chi-chi [to borrow adeline's term] backdrop for my perfumes and candles and books. and my favourite chinese cloth on the right.

ran 6km. consistency reaps its rewards but more vital is the concentration and focus it gives me during this crucial period. consistent rigour [says balzac in 'cousin bette'] is the most vital element in the creative process.

ee jie cooks a mean mean chicken curry. fire in the belly.

did a 6km run after i had a nice one hour walk in the park with mother who came back early. we played with the exercise machines and sat on the swings. suddenly missed greenmeadows where we could walk all over and still be in the compound because it's so big. we fetched bernice home yesterday and dropped her at greenmeadows - nostalgia to the core! block one lobby with the four corners leading to different places, to the brick wall with the round hollow where we'd curl up and read books, up the ramp to the other blocks to visit friends from nursery to junior college, to the garden downstairs where we'd lay out mats and have picnics with jello, watching the boys play soccer downstairs when we were in secondary school, playing badminton at the linear carpark and climbing up to retrieve the shuttlecocks that landed on the metal roofs, going through the gate to visit bren at teacher's estate or just jogging to the teacher's estate playground, or to buy stuff at the shops behind where there was the perpetual fragrance of freshly baked loaves in the bread factory, buying chee cheong fan from the shop next to the bread factory on sat mornings or buying bubble gum and the blowing glue-type bubble things from the old style grocery shop, seeing bern and her sis wait for their brothers to come home from school at the gate while i waited for my younger siblings to come home, blading to block five playground and cycling down block ten road ramp, sitting on my window ledge with the wall of windows closed behind me and tree tops to the other side of me, climbing to the window ledge in the room while playing hide and seek in the dark. i wish i'd continue with my growing up there cos it's the best place to live ever.

In Omnia Paratus![prepared for all things, in latin] which i guess you can never do because you cannot predict what's going to happen but i interprete it as the spirit to accept and even delight in all experiences that come your way, and in logan's language - to seek adventure to the extreme!

so after jancy's dinner was it? that we were studying in our study cubicles in reading room three when i dropped a note over the wooden barrier - i like holding your hand - with a reply - me too - was played over once again [reverse this time] in the central library today in nus over a glass barrier [shhh, keep quiet in the library or something like that lasered on the glass] - i like holding your hand [i look over and spot a grin, a you-know-what-this-is-type-grin] and i scribbled back on the [cinderella man] ticket stub - me too - seven years down the road and it's as fresh as a daisy [sunflower, to add that in the thread of nostalgia here] in my mind [grin]

[Camp. Rory is looking up at a huge scaffold that has been set up in the
field. Several people are standing on top holding umbrellas. Logan joins
her.]

LOGAN: Hope you're thinking up superlatives.

RORY: What are they going to do?

LOGAN: What do you think they're going to do?

RORY: They're not going to jump.

LOGAN: Jump!

RORY: That's like seven stories! They'll die!

LOGAN: We're all going to die one day.

RORY: But those four are today.

LOGAN: Six.

RORY: I see four.

LOGAN: I'm heading up.

RORY: Of course you are.

LOGAN: And Finn was supposed to do it, but few of us figured he'd make it
this far, so there's an extra space.

RORY: Hmm. (Looks up, then sees the way Logan's looking at her.) No!

LOGAN: And we're not going to die. No one in the Life and Death Brigade has
ever died. Old ones have.

RORY: I am not going to jump!

SETH: We're all set.

LOGAN: This is Seth, he's the genius behind all this.

SETH: It's very safe. We did a dozen successful test drops, every potato
came through without a scratch.

RORY: Potato?

LOGAN: You can's test using people, that'd be dangerous!

RORY: Look, thanks for the offer, but I'm here as a journalist. An observer.
Journalists do not participate.

LOGAN: Since when?

RORY: Since forever.

LOGAN: George Plimpton never participated.

RORY: What?

LOGAN: His best stuff put him in the think of it. Fighting Sugar Ray
Robinson, quarterbacking for the Lions, skating for the Bruins.

RORY: So he participated.

LOGAN: Bill Buford lived with soccer hooligans in Among The Thugs. Ernie
Pyle was so deep in the action in World War II, he was killed by a Japanese
sniper, not that you gotta go that far.

RORY: Buford, Pyle. I know.

LOGAN: Richard Hottelet was four months in a Nazi prison working for the
U.P. Hunter Thompson lived with the Hell's Angels. Got in the muck, didn't
just orbit around it, and it drove his writing. He put you in those biker's
parties. He put you in those biker's heads.

RORY: All right, all right, so, those guys participated. I got it, but I ?br />
EMCEE: Jumpers to their places, please!

LOGAN: You're scared.

RORY: Well, yeah!

LOGAN: And that stops the greats?

RORY: It's stopping this great!

LOGAN: Come on, you look like you need a little adventure.

RORY: What does that mean?

LOGAN: You're just a little sheltered.

RORY: Why? Because I 't spent time in a Nazi prison, been stomped on by
hooligans and beat up by Hell's Angels? And Plimpton got banged up pretty
good too.

LOGAN: It'll be fun, it'll be a thrill. Something stupid, something bad for
you. Just something different. (Rory smiles.) Isn't this the point of being
young? It's your choice, Ace. People can live a hundred years without really
living for a minute. You climb up here with me, it's one less minute you
haven't lived.

RORY: Let's go.

LOGAN: Let's go!

RORY: But I am not a fan of ladders.

LOGAN: They scare the crap out of me, too.

(They climb the scaffold.)

RORY: High. We are very high.

LOGAN: I've been higher.

RORY: I meant distance from the ground.

LOGAN: That, too.

SETH: This is totally safe. And it goes with your outfit. Nice. (He wraps a
band around her waist, which a line is connected to.)

RORY (pointing down at the crowd): Why do they look so worried?

LOGAN: We're low on champagne. You can back out, you know. No one's forcing
you.

RORY: I know. (She grabs an umbrella.)

(The emcee is calling up in Latin.)

LOGAN: You trust me?

RORY: You jump, I jump, Jack.

CROWD: In Omnia Paratus!

LOGAN: I really should have confirmed that those potatoes were okay.

(He grabs her hand and they jump. The crowd cheers as they land safely.)

SETH: Oh, thank God.

LOGAN: You did good, Ace!

RORY: Once in a lifetime experience!

LOGAN: Only if you want it to be.

gilmore girls. 'you jump i jump, jack'

5.6km yesterday. being a sloth is no good, no fun, no productivity and i don't really like it. it's a very destructive cycle. after gilmore girls at 6pm and another long run today i'm going to be a very good girl for the rest of september. start small.

unlisted day. no energy to do anything but rid this devilish mood by running. it must not rain tonight.

Sweet dreams and color and sound
Highways in the fog waiting to be found
I'll start gold mines in the sky sky sky
They were clouds just waiting to cry

And with the wind
I'm dancing drift drift drift
in the shapes of the place that I miss

- beulah

confirmation that yesterday's run was a real workout - delicious aches in thigh and, why does my shoulder seem more toned overnight? ha.

date in three acts

act one :: mingyao calls and asks what time i am going to school and i say now and he drives down and takes me to school where he studies in the after-rain cool foyer while i do my school-thang.

act two:: we drive to marina south and stuff ourselves with bbq buffet; it is fun getting stinko like that. first in line, we dig into the meats yums for the satay chicken and the herbal soup. we also play a fifty cent arcade game that feels like dessert entertainment of sorts.

act three:: belly-filled, we drive to paragon, and breeze into coffee bean and tea leaf in the corner and colonise the corner sofas. we have coffee [you] and tea [me] and a sudden bright idea to watch a movie - and so why not? - mingyao gets buddy zhiwei to book tickets online and we finish lazing and gulping down our drinks then we re-park at lido, just in time to catch cinderella man [because IS magazine says to] and we really enjoy the action and the emotions [renee z joke/cue punches in dark due to ouch violence onscreen/tsk tsk auntie cinema-goers ewww/tender hand holding and secret peeps at you in the dark].

act four:: satisfied drive home and the thomson traffic lights they light green for us all da way [almost] and we are tired but blissful. ends with goodnight kiss. impromptu nights are good times.

Mingyao says: actually ... it didn't matter what show we were watching today
Mingyao says: i just felt like being in the cinema with you just now

Now we watch TV
Til we fall asleep
Not very exciting
But it's you and...

Me and we'll always be together
You and me always, and forever
ba ba ba ba da ba, it was always...
You and me always, and forever

the wannadies

this is for when we watched taped gilmore girls on lazy monday noon. today we are going steamboating. i need to go to skool now.

here's the story eh: i mostly jog on a slope these days, wide enough for two. the most natural polite thing to do fellow joggers is to give way, one on each side according to circumstances. and so i fume because a couple pair comes running in the opposite direction and one does not step behind the other to just use one lane and expect me to give way to them and step over on the grass. and, a million other pesky jogger traits that irk me on my run. anyway did 6.2km today and will run more tomorrow to make up for last week.

ee jie makes good dinner always.

syd. melb. brisbane. 2005 summer of love!

"A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea".

- Honore de Balzac

best kind of weather : dreamy thunderstorm with a slow backing out where the sun returns slowly enough so i can go for a run in the early noon.

best surprise? i sms-ed the trumpeter and let him know i was going to browse magazines with sharon at the book cafe and just as we merged ourselves with the cushions while studying the menu in he comes with a smile on his face. "stressed and wanted a beer and decided to pop by" so sharon and i had pots of tea and he had his asahi and we had a fun time with frou frou talk and other miscellaneous banter.

read m. atwood's 'the blind assasin' last night and it really is quite good. like when phrases of succint honesty hits you like a smack and a poke all at once.

"All she has left is the picture. Also the story of it. The picture is of happiness, the story not. Happiness is a garden walled with glass: there's no way in or out. In Paradise there are no stories, because there are no journeys. It's loss and regret and misery and yearning that drive the story forward, along it's twisted road."

~ from The Blind Assassin, by Margaret Atwood

while i was writing in my diary, sprawled on my bed in dim light ma came in and gathered me in her arms and reminded me to be focused on my work and that i am wonderful and blessed and not to pick up that procrastinating and distracted bug that came from her. so cute. motivation for the week.

lunch seemed more plentiful than usual and more fun of course when we ordered several small dishes instead of two big ones - seafood sheng mian, char siew sou, drunken chicken wing, watercress and lean meat soup and char siew chee cheong fan. hours fly by like seconds and soon you were dropping me off at the library. i headed off to the bro's bachelor pad and snuggled in and slept with da jie and hui on the bed while the bro was mugging till siew jie came along and we went downstairs to have dinner with auntie pat and family. auntie pat produced a minute ice box of potong ice cream at the end of dinner. so cute.

so anyways i managed three short runs the past week which were unsatisfying during the do but appreciated on hindsight - energy came back - so this week i promise myself longer runs and more focused work-doing.

what a mundane post. but hushed affections for all mentioned

miss you like stupid miss you like stupid miss you like stupid miss you like stupid miss you like stupid miss you like stupid miss you like stupid miss you like stupid miss you like stupid miss you like stupid miss you like stupid miss you like stupid

loving someone and being loved articulates things in life that could have pass you by, like feeling new voids, new presences; you adopt different ways of eating, different ways you drink your water, different ways you read, different ways you listen to music; you feel more generous and giving, as well as more selfish and paranoid; you are a servant and a queen; you feel your individual character more defined and you also feel you are no longer just yourself; and you love it all because it's like travelling to a new place, as well as coming home to a familiar space, it's expansive and intimate, loud and sacred. you don't want to sleep because you want to think about him more. i miss you like stupid.

"It's the scariest day of the year. Yet only one thing scares me, that we might never have met."

- autumn in new york

LORELAI: [too bright smile] Smells good. Hey, Luke?

LUKE: Yep?

LORELAI: You cooking this is so sweet - .

LUKE: [steels himself and rolls his eyes] But?

LORELAI: I just figured, you know, we'd go to Luke's for breakfast.

LUKE: Why?

LORELAI: Because I like Luke's breakfast.

LUKE: I am Luke.

LORELAI: I know

LUKE: This is the same stuff I make at the diner.

LORELAI: I know.

LUKE: So what's the difference?

LORELAI: Well, the difference is, while you are Luke, we're not at Luke's.

LUKE: So?

LORELAI: Well, I have my things, you know? I have certain things. And one of my things is going to Luke's. And just because I now have "Dating Luke" doesn't mean I want to lose my "Cooking Luke."

LUKE: But I am cooking, and I am Luke.

LORELAI: Look, it's like Tommy Lee having a Starbucks at his house.

LUKE: [lost, but resumes cooking] What?

LORELAI: On the surface, it sounds great. But half the reason you go to a Starbucks is to go to a Starbucks, you know, to go out and see the people.

LUKE: Tommy Lee has a Starbucks in his house?

LORELAI: "Cribs," baby. Watch it.

LUKE: Like a whole Starbucks with workers and everything?

LORELAI: The point is that, while some things have changed -- and that's great -- I don't want everything to change completely.

[ Telephone ringing nearby ]

LUKE: [resigned] Okay. I'll see you at Luke's.

[Luke turns off stove and begins cleaning up as Lorelai celebrates]

LORELAI: Ah, I'll see you at Luke's!! [picks up phone] Hello?

Gilmore Girls espisode 5.04

[Luke walks up with ordering pad in hand]

LUKE: What can I get you?

RORY: A foster home.

LORELAI: You'll thank me one day. [sexy smile to Luke] Hi.

LUKE: I'm working.

LORELAI: Come on. This is the beginning of a relationship. You're supposed to act stupid.

LUKE: I'll do the chicken dance on my lunch break. [to Rory] Heading back to school?

RORY: Yeah, sophomore year.

LUKE: Anything you want - on the house.

LORELAI: [too bright smile] I can't believe you won't flirt with me in front of my daughter. She's gonna think there's something wrong with me.

RORY: Please. I got that confirmation letter a long time ago. Scrambled eggs with cheddar cheese and half bacon, half sausage.

LORELAI: I'll have the same, and put it on her tab.

LUKE: You get your own tab.

LORELAI: [dryly] Oh, thank God you don't have a Latin accent, or you'd be completely irresistible.

LUKE: Coffee will be ready in a minute. [backs away while subtlety signaling Lorelai with his head.]

LORELAI: Be back in a second. [She walks over to the counter. Luke stands behind the counter writing in his ledger book.]

LORELAI: [ Clears throat ] You gestured?

LUKE: [continues to look down while speaking quietly] Those jeans are really working for you.

LORELAI: Yeah?

LUKE: They're working for me, too.

LORELAI: You're flirting with me.

LUKE: Something like that.

LORELAI: Finally. Do it some more.

LUKE: Your shoes work well with that - shirt. [briefly glances up]

LORELAI: Gee, Carson, thanks.

LUKE: That's all I can do right now. People are watching.

LORELAI: Okay.

LUKE: [meaningfully raises his eyes] But tonight I will give you my extremely positive views on other aspects of your being.

LORELAI: Tonight?

LUKE: Are you free?

LORELAI: Yeah, I'm free.

LUKE: Good. 7:30.

LORELAI: What are we gonna do?

LUKE: I've got some thoughts.

LORELAI: Alright, but no taking me to an art museum after hours and then to an empty Hollywood bowl where you give me a pair of diamond earrings that you bought with your college money when all the time you're really in love with your best friend, the drummer, who's posing as our driver for the evening.

LUKE: [pause] Okay, I'll think of something else.

LORELAI: So, what do we say?

LUKE: Say?

LORELAI: To people, to the town. Do we tell them we're dating?

LUKE: I don't know. Do we?

LORELAI: I don't know. I guess we could keep it quiet for a while.

LUKE: We could -- if that's what you want.

LORELAI: No, that's not what I want.

LUKE: Why don't we just play it by ear?

LORELAI: Yeah, yeah. People will know when they know.

LUKE: Okay, sounds good.

LORELAI: Okay, so, 7:30?

LUKE: 7:30

LORELAI: Are you gonna watch me walk away?

LUKE: Yeah.

LORELAI: I'll add a little jaunt to it for you.

[she struts back to Rory and glances back before she sits]

RORY: What was that all about?

LORELAI: We were just talking about our date for tonight.

RORY: A real date? Finally!

LORELAI: Yeah, finally.

RORY: What are you gonna wear?

LORELAI: Mmm, glass slippers, a backwards baseball cap...

RORY: …and nothing else.

LORELAI: Exactly.

RORY: I'm very excited.

LORELAI: Me too. Hey, have you talked to --

RORY: No.

LORELAI: Do you think you're going to before you - [Rory shakes her head no to end the topic as Luke walks up.] Oh, food. Thank God.

LUKE: Hot plates.

LORELAI: See? He called me "Hot Plates." He so likes me.

LUKE: Jeez. [embarrassed, he looks around before exiting]

Gilmoer Girls episode 5.03

[The room darkens and light from the screen reflects off their faces and the well beloved openening theme song from the movie begins. Lorleai and Rory sing along with the music.]

RORY and LORELAI: [sings] "Freckles on her nose, diddle diddle dee, a girl came riding, into town one day, diddle diddle dee, was quite a sight. It's Pippi Longstocking he ho ho ah he ha ha, it's Pippi Longstocking there's no one like her. Happy as can be, diddle diddle dippy, tells you stories you just wait and see, tra la la la la "

LUKE: What happened to her hair?

LORELAI: She's between stylists now. It's very awkward.

LUKE: Unbelievable.

Gilmore Girls episode 5.05

pure catharsis. i loved today's music at victoria concert hall. concentration of craft is a very attractive thing. one of the few times i watch a concert with strings - mostly it's more brass. and it can get very emotional. to drink vodka and read tolstoy while listening to some russian classical music is a future experiement. was a thrill to turn around in studio and see you standing there in your handsome maroon striped shirt and to get a whiff of you. i like going to concerts with you because i love observing and admiring your concentration of [observing] your craft and i get to hold your hand for two hours straight.

i did two short runs this week after a week of laziness. that is kinda enough to revive the energy. a long run tomorrow morning and hopefully next week i'll rediscover swimming. i've decided not to do terry fox and enjoy my solitary runs instead.

you're my favourite moment
you're my Saturday

Cos you're my Number 1

goldfrapp grows on you. mingyao and i had lunch at char siew boy's place and lingered at suntec starbucks doing some studying it is quite a nice place to linger cos it's a corner and i love corners. and today i changed my braces bands to light purple - it's a more strategic colour than light green - i feel more impish, or elvish, which sounds good-er. hmm, i want a crystal chandelier, lace curtains and an anna sui patterned frock with long bell sleeves. tomorrow we are going to listen to a concert at victoria concert hall, another frou frou date. permissible because listening to music in a concert hall is vogue. i'm looking foward to it, my favourite thing to do when at a classical music concert is to close my eyes and concoct stories in my head to go with the music [ distracted folks might think i'm sleeping how dare they ]. oh today i vogue-ed. this month there are alot of articles on art and places. okay back to doing work - scribbling on butter paper with goldfrapp's supernature's sound floating around in orange light and tonight a run through dusky skys to quicken the release of buried ideas. hence sky rain not.

it's about time! miss portman on the cover of uk vogue up its intelligent chic factor a hundred points!was at the bookcafe with caroline and shu great friends to lounge about with and love plenty. remember girls we have to exchange something the next time we meet. first up how about music?

some day a natalie portman movie marathon, of which we will start with the professional to blow everyone's minds away.

I love you Sunday song
The week's not yet begun
And everything is quiet
And it's always...

You and me always, and forever
You and me always, and forever
ba ba ba ba da ba, it was always
You and me always..

the wannadies

in the car we singalong
to cheesy songs
sing the skippibabadoba
[and shake to it]
- the crazy things you do
in macdonalds in the
west coast

sitting in the shade
with lazy friends and nikon
freezeframing the kids
and stealing some moments
away from the flushed
heat the horror of the heat!
then to thomson for
kaya toast

good times are you times
[like the wannadies sing it]
You and me always, and forever

dyed my hair but you can hardly see it unless there's the sun. three shades graduating from dark violet to violet-dark red to dark red. really dark mahagony. so he asks do i know why he asked me out to hang out together with him and his buds and i ask why and he says "because i want to spend time with you".

car time is quality time too. frozen always in that one position facing the outside looking to the side you looking at me to your left me looking over at you from my right. perspective.

this evening was a very comfortable
and fun one where i basked
in the entertaining conversations
(the hilarious kind you only get around the other gender)
- school buses/cars/nation flag rubbers/house gates/people/fans haha -
of yours truly mingyao and his mates
[namely ivan, shaun, winston + gf]
dinner at spageddi's at tanglin mall
four lobster and chicken combo and misc. foodstuff
and that primo combo - a pitiful copy
of the menu's photograph but edible so then
we drove to the book cafe
[pause] the book cafe! i finally checked it out
- never did, the address looked desolute to me
i think though i'll be back again [relaxed
chic atmosphere stylish shadowed with
out unnecessary frou frou + decor
goes with the theme and it's not too
bookish or thematic to the point of being
(overdone) fanciful. it's not great but it's
nice (boring word! amend >> 'like a familiar glass of
coffee with bailey's and blackcurrent timtams' nice)
i love spending t i m e
with you
[becauseyouarethebestcompanytohavearoundanywhereatanytime]
i heart you plentiful.

a slight distraction. more to come.

and kate moss for missoni 2004 - i loved this series of ads.

that's you and me trumpeter, if we were french.

fantastique! i think there's no such word though...

sharon you know me well! i'm on a roll. first up paul and joe ad spreads!

my pace of life is like that of the song 'like a friend' by pulp from the great expectations cd. i either stroll or race. i hardly walk. very bad.

dear m.y, i know you love me ALOT cos you gave me the window seat in the plane all the time. (tribute to the wedding singer)

two united colous of benetton tops [one sandy brown knit with elbow sleeves and above the chest knit patterns front and back and one black fettucini-strap with the front scrunched loosely and longer than the back ] at 80percent discount each. i am first and foremost a knit girl - my innerself is that of the cosy librarian with knits that hug me [which will graduate to cashmere in my future richer days] and a pencil skirt - my lifelong wish, definately to own a library in my gear ala miss librarian.

i am of late, into ponytails [very in tune with look of the season miss librarian with zac posen or marc jacobs if you please]

i don't know me and i am tired. but then it's only you who allows yourself to get you down. i am going to find myself tomorrow when i go for a long long long run. i am going to run for at least twenty songs. i am going to run until i feel myself again. hi me.

mingyao grooves to bob marley in the car courtesy of yh's cd. i think you were sugar high/drunk-like how you could drive steadily like that amazes me. chicken katsu rice at taka food court and tomorrow is char siew boy. you owe me one [ H U G ] okay!

dearest guilan,

everybody remembers you "smiling and laughing". do you remember the sec four choir farewell when we took group shots with nana and shirley and wc and bren? and the brisbane trip in our pinafores? i can remember you chiding shirley or wc mockingly whenever they said or did silly things. do you remember the pouch you got for us from your holiday? i had forgotten who had given it to me and i was using it for the past year, until shu reminded me, it was from you. thanks a bunch, it's been well used and i love the colour. mr. colin cheong replied my email. "I could imagine her, smiling and laughing and I thought, no, he cannot mean THIS Serene". Miss Goh remembers you as the "sweet, obliging, ever smiling girl we know." See, everyone misses you badly. It is cruel to say this aloud, and it breaks my spirit to say it but i think i'd like to think that you're doing your masters in canada and i'm writing snail mail to you - i like doing that - anyways, siti is getting married this sunday. i would have loved to see you there.

love always,

jingmei