i will leave my oswald chambers devotional at an obvious spot from now on. whenever my soul is weary or my mind is lazy and i want to run away from my work, i will get a quick refeshment from this book. it is so rich.

yesterday's devotion:

John 14:12And greater works than these shall he do; because I go to my Father

"Prayer does not fit us for the greater works, prayer is the greater works...prayer is the battle; it is a matter of indifference where you are. whichever way God enginners circumstances, the duty is to pray...Wherever God has dumped you down in circumstances pray, ejaculate to HIm all the time. "Whatsoever ye ask in My name, that will i do." We won't pray unless we get thrills, that is the intensest form of spiritual selfishness...

...There is nothing thrilling about a labouring man's work, but it is the labouring man who makes the conceptions of the genius possible; and it is the labouring saint who makes the conceptions of his Master possible..."

- Oswald Chambers

and i remember when i was younger and my spirit was more in tune with God's directions and the peace that was in me would shine on the outside, it was real inner peace from God. Nowadays it is a calm, like a blanket that is emotionless because on the inside i keep trying to run away.

Two things will keep me going. The first is devotion to Him, which translates to being accountable to God and not to man, nor to ego. I have not been seriously wearied by too much work, rather i have been ill disciplined and undeserving of saving. The second is prayer, faith that because God has willed me in this testing situation, He will carry me through. For often we pray for a stronger faith, and we read that there will be times of testing but when times come we turn our face and cower in a corner refusing to face tribulations with the Word and prayer.

This time there is no other way, and i have to remember then, to die to self, banish ego on the throne of my heart and let God reign again, for only He can help me overcome my own eniquities and lackerdasical attitudes that sink me further into the pits i hate.


A Prayer


My God (oh, let me call Thee mine,
Weak, wretched sinner though I be),
My trembling soul would fain be Thine;
My feeble faith still clings to Thee.

Not only for the Past I grieve,
The Future fills me with dismay;
Unless Thou hasten to relieve,
Thy suppliant is a castaway.

I cannot say my faith is strong,
I dare not hope my love is great;
But strength and love to Thee belong;
Oh, do not leave me desolate!

I know I owe my all to Thee;
Oh, TAKE the heart I cannot give!
Do Thou my strength--my Saviour be,
And MAKE me to Thy glory live.

-Anne Bronte