i think that reading some blogs are like, reading a wonderful novel or an autobiography of someone you really find magical. some friends you see them but you'll never really know them. it's all in the words they churn out, especially those who are steep in honesty of the heart and are introspective and writes about reality in a fairy tale way. there's much passion and life to be sucked from this reading. especially with diana krall singing 'why should i care' in a wispy disappointed manner, i think i'm stuck again in that sappy wonder night mode.

so anyway that leads me to think, i should prioritise. know the few things that i should invest time and effort in and really do them well instead of being a complainer. also, i think, i should genuinely seek knowledge. many a time it's skimming the surface. i think i'm not deep enough. being deep is a very good state to be in really.

this is emergency time. two and a half days to crit and my design should have been seventy five percent completed, according to richard. i think i've not been bold enough, with materials, with doing brave things and then being hardworking enough to make them into architecture. i always falter at the translation. these days, it's got to be the most intense, i've got to do it.

also, i really love urban module. i've not been a good student at all and i know why and it's not a really good thing. ranted to mother and sis over lunch on sunday and ma kept reminding me about praying and dedicating my work to God before i start, and i was irritable so i didnt' respond really well, but i guess i know i've got to rely on God to get me through this semester. I've made it thus far there should be no room for faltering. thus banish fear, banish ill discipline and get down to being intense. like doing work intense.

a very apt and timely sms from mom just as i type this : "Hi Mei, how are you today and how is Mingyao? Psalm 18:28 You o Lord keep my lamp burning. My God turns my darkness into light. With your help I can advace against a troop. With my God I can scale a wall...take care...mum.

love you mum.