i brought my new bag out today. it's my official ah ma bag. it did seem rather ah ma, the leather i think. next time i will be more particular. i have new ideas with the cloth i bought. people's park market second level is cloth heaven. i want to buy everything i touch, and i want to touch everything i see. texture attracts me. i think i will go to granny's house to make my next bag, attempt some DIY and maybe make references to my secondary school home economics book sewing chapters if i need help. i prob do. lovely.

i think there is this instinct in me - i hate to see someone else wear something i've bought even though i think it's really nice so i tend not to buy stuff i see alot of people buying though i think it's nice. i found this new shop at THE ANNEX today called OPAQUE and i quite like the stuff there, the texture of the stuff was quite fun and funnily i liked the dressing room curtain. yes i observe these things quite a lot.

i have to clear my stuff in my room. i have to write in my diary tonight, some monthly mental clarification. esp financial matters. i'm halfway through my book, my thick book and it's interesting. THE BROTHERS KARAMOSOV. i like the analytical discussions and the study of man in all the different aspects. it's motivating to read a thick book. there's some sort of focus there and i like my mind to constantly be enlightened esp when i go to work and home each day on the train - that's when i read the book - and i feel good learning stuff so the trip feels enriched. today we had discussion again in the firm. ohhh, i just love mental stimulation. it's a drug.

tomorrow i am going to paint ma's new shop. to get dirty again is rather fun. painting is rather therapeutic. (is there some wrong spelling there?) and i'm doing it with the family. it's fun!

today is my twenty second birthday. half an hour more.i'm not used to celebrating my birthday i think, i squirm and blush and all when people wish me or sing me a birthday song. i think, i prefer to celebrate other's birthdays, think out something for them and make them squirm and blush and all. MY and i went to this coffee shop we discovered at tiong bahru far away from the busy road and civilisation, slow and quiet and had their delicious dry hor fan and black pepper crab, licking the pepper sauce from our fingers and digging into the shells for the flaky meat all yummy we were like kids and i remember denise and jo eating their fried chicken in the vj canteen with utter delight and concentration. i learnt how to pluck off the 'legs' of the crab in the right way but was too lazy to try and MY did them for me and i told him i'd pluck prawns for him cept he doesn't eat prawns.

we walked to chinatown and i was all zombied cos i was so full but happy cos the dry hor fan was really delicious. it's called THE TWINS cantonese restaurant i think at tiong bahru, there i've revealed the secret on the WWW and just to let you know they're closed on mondays. it's really delicious i repeat.

i hope someone sends me a birthday card, i mean i appreciate the sms and emails and wishes but i miss having cards. since the mobile explosion my box of cards and letters has remained rather stagnant cept for when christmas comes and people remember that we can still write and send snail mail. snail mail is wonderful, as is playing five stones, pepsi cola one two three and prata at casuarina road on sunday mornings, those are but a faint memory. reality can change so fast. i'm not so well equipped to handle change. nostalgia be gone.

you are my chet baker my louie armstrong
you are my ethan hawke in gattaca and great expectations
you are that boy with the full-of-love-for-you grin
you are my musician, my photographer, mine all mine!
you are my future all authored and signed
you are my clinique happy bottle of esteem,
you are my diaries written and burnt
you are my vivanne westwood dream

goodnight to all.

spinning spinning the floor is dancing
and i am standing still
freezeframe this surreal
clone of me in a picture - see!
i'm walking down the tiled steps
and i see you holding your
cammerrer, posing for me and i
pose for you, my arms go up at my
waist and i stand on the last step
-smile curling, eyes a milky pearly grey
and the hair cascading like spagetti gone wrong
but quirky and -

-clickclickclickclickclick -

-here i am immortalised, millions of moments
plastered into one, black and white grainy
rectangle on my wall and i remember
the boy with the cammerra - hey!
look here didja know that i love you?

a loopish grin, partly shining;
mash potato squeeze
and arms going round and round'
in a spin, faintly dazzled, turning
in the tease of a wink
and crinkling eyes, smart teeth
straightly smiling, slurpping
green tea frappachino - tall or grande?
melting into the armchair, gazing
over across the table
- you and your raspberry something;
brown hands envloping without which
we are but strangers; evesdropping
on thoughts seen in the eyes, or a touch
-hey, oi, you bobo
i love you so.

reminiscing
ade and i used to go to her house in bedok after tsd practice and one day we went to seven eleven downstairs and went back to her home, sat on her sofa just the two of us and finished up one large tub of magnolia ice cream and one big giant packet of ruffles chips. then at night i stayed over in her room and worked out my set design on her pink bed. ade was just like a da jie to me in jc. it was fun. clythemnestra and electra in in the now gone flagpole area.

here i am.

i went to watch The fall of the house of usher ballet at the esplanade with da jie and later she treated me to an early birthday treat at the jap restaurant there which was pretty expensive but good since i needed some food in case i got gastric.

there are toy shops below my office and i bought a packet of pick up sticks for a dollar that day and then came home to play with my second sister. it's fun.

finally managed to wake up early today for a run before work but wasted it all after eating several fudge chocs at home. food's a distraction. i'm being distracted. from what? anyway yeah i hope to start learning thai soon so i can master basics at the end of the year in case i do go to bangkok soon. sigh so much to learn. in this life time there's not enough time to learn all i want! this makes me feel guilty now, i havent' gotten down to the basics of doing my quiet time and all.